


Single

by Shinigamibutter



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Arguing, Baby Sanha, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual heavy themes, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Guilt, Kidnapping, Legal Drama, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Eunwoo/Jinwoo, Post-Divorce, Private Investigators, Rough Sex, Slow Build, Transgender rebirth, a dash of angst, single parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2019-11-26 02:55:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigamibutter/pseuds/Shinigamibutter
Summary: Jinwoo had never expected to be here at the ripe age of twenty four, but here he is. Falling in love for the second time. Only this time he's got a young son to think about and a past that haunts him like a looming giant in the background.Or the one where now single divorcee dad Jinwoo falls in love with the pre-school daycare worker, wannabe teacher Myungjun. And his ex-wife, ex-woman, Eunwoo, is someone he can't escape from.





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I've been tossing this idea around in my head for ages...Just the way I wrote it the first time brought up a bunch of awful things that shade my own childhood. So that was no go. 
> 
> That said this should be light hearted with a bit of drama thrown in.

If someone had told Jinwoo that his life would be like this now two years ago he might have laughed, called them crazy, and possibly punched them in the arm. Because two years ago his life had been perfect, now it was but a shadow of what it used to be. And he was only twenty-four. 

Not to say he was unhappy, not entirely anyway. But saying things were perfect would be a stretch, a long one. Raising a two year old on his own had never, not even once, been in his plans. Though he wouldn’t trade his son, Sanha, for the world on a silver platter. He just hadn’t been in Jinwoo’s plans, not like this anyway. Not alone. 

Still, he was making the best of the situation he’d found himself in. By moving, getting a new job, and avoiding anyone he used to know. It wasn’t the perfect set up, it wasn’t his ideal by a long shot, but it was functioning. Day to day. Today just also happened to be another first in a long line of many since he’d moved. Sanha’s first day at a daycare. And it was daunting. At least to him, he was certain Sanha wouldn’t feel that way. Were he awake to do so.

Six am, the perfect time to catch his son unaware and finally settled down. Also the time Jinwoo had to leave the apartment to make it to his new job on time, now that he was officially starting. Since only ungodly hours before his rebellious two year old awoke would do him any good in getting him ready and in the car without a fight. At least without the promise of going somewhere Sanha thought they should be going or for something the two year old wanted. The terrible twos, unfortunately so far, were everything they’d been cracked up to be. 

Six twenty-five was the exact time Jinwoo reached the daycare, just a hop skip away from the new dance instructor gig he’d found. The one that paid the best and offered the most benefits that was. He’d never thought of himself as much of a college level professor, but he’d found himself in a similar position at this school of dance. Thinking of it made him smile almost as much as looking at Sanha’s sleeping face on his shoulder. 

Currently they were the only uplifting part of the day. The sky was overcast, gray and threatening to rain later. There was a subtle scent of it in the air already as he moved from the car to the building, a tickle on the back of his neck screaming that a thunderstorm was likely. He ignored the feelings in favor of studying his son’s face. He’d never left him with anyone but family friends before, or in-laws when he’d had them. It had been over a month since he’d left Sanha with anyone, instead taking him with him until he found a daycare. 

This one, Sunshine Daycare, was highly recommended and he could see why as he approached the door, brightly colored door stickers adorning it as well as cute handwritten scribbles. He was sure they were names or something to that affect by the children watched here. Either way it gave it an approachable feel coupled with the shoe cubbies and colored paper covered cork boards to each side. There were class names on one and a female employee was greeting everyone. He could see her recognition of each face as they stepped up to her. 

Obviously the recognition wasn’t there when he stepped up, but she smiled pleasantly. Her name was Song, it was spelled out with musical notes that were plastered with instruments on the side along with them. And small, almost too small to read there was a tiny ‘miss’ above it. More for the benefit of the adults Jinwoo was sure. “Park Jinwoo, with Park Sanha.” He answered her unspoken question when she quirked her head at him with a subtly different smile.

“Oh right this way then.” Song motioned him behind her to one of the four doors that lead away from the small entry hall. Jinwoo hadn’t taken the time to remove Sanha’s shoes, he’d only seen older children’s shoes in the cubbies. Song’s voice was sweet and tempered as she went on, taking a peek at his sleeping son he noticed her voice lowered. “He’ll be in Mr Kim’s class, he took over for Miss Rae not long after your tour. I apologize about such short notice she…” 

Song was still talking but he’d tuned out after she’d said tour, after all he hadn’t taken one. There hadn’t been time with his moving on short notice and the paperwork. He’d come on recommendations and the trust of his friends from the area alone. Granted he had every reason to take his cousin’s advice on it since she’d had several children and it was only recently they’d stopped needing a daycare. Which only served to remind him he needed to stop by and visit her soon. 

Maybe that was why he was completely taken off guard when he actually turned the corner around the door frame. Maybe Song had warned him of what he was about to stumble into. Though he felt somewhere in the back of his mind completely certain there was no preparing him for what he was seeing. Because there in the center of the room stood a man, not much taller than himself, smiling like he was the literal sun as he wiped snot off a little toddler’s nose. His voice high and sing-song as he chastised the little boy for not blowing it when he was told to. 

In that moment Jinwoo knew he’d recall nothing of this moment but the soft familiar weight of Sanha on his shoulder and when Mr Kim turned to look at him. All ten thousand watts of a sunbeam erupting on his face in a splitting smile that took Jinwoo’s breath away. It was the same feeling his late wife had given him when they first met, it felt like a jolt to the heart. 

The moment was broken by Song’s hand landing on his arm, the one not holding Sanha, her voice concerned as she looked between him and her coworker. A look of incomprehension bunching between her eyebrows as she went on anyway. “This is the room for children two to four, we currently only have four children in this room. Sanha will make five and fill it up.” 

Jinwoo nodded as she went on forcing himself to smile at the information she was giving him. “If you give me a second I’ll grab Mr Kim and you can be on your way. Tomorrow you can come straight in after you sign Sanha in.” 

A book was pointed to when Jinwoo followed her long tan finger. It was as immaculate as the rest of her. But he hadn’t really looked beyond her face, too young, too new to the troubles of the world. He followed the instructions on the page noticing how the logo, which was obnoxiously bright colors didn’t seem as bright after seeing Mr Kim’s smile. 

“Park Jinwoo?” There was a questioningly lilt to the honey voice that called to him and had him smiling even before he started to turn around to find who’d called him. Even though he’d known, still the voice sounded much closer and had him turning slowly. Which found him face to face with Kim Myungjun, his name badge was just as bright as his smile.

The smile was infectious and he smiled back at the man who couldn’t possibly be older than him, the little boy was now attached to his pant leg. “At your service.” Jinwoo found himself joking, a thing he rarely did in the mornings, a thing he’d barely done in earnest in months truthfully with the stress of moving and everything. The man, Mr Kim only smiled at him. “And you’d be Mr Kim?” He looked around for Song and found her suspiciously absent. 

“Yes.” Another bright smile and a pointed finger. “So this must be Sanha.” The worker went on with the introductions in the way Jinwoo had forced them to go, but indulgently as if he was used to the awkward way parents were. 

Jinwoo smiled with a nod turning his son so the worker could take him, which was his job. Still, the worker looked genuinely pleased to see him. And as he took him made a bunch of cooing noises while handling him as if he were the most fragile thing around. They only talked briefly after that, a quick exchange of when Jinwoo would be back and that was it. Everything else had been disclosed. One even quicker kiss to Sanha’s forehead and Jinwoo was walking away. 

Behind him he could hear Mr Kim, Myungjun as he said he preferred the parents to call him, telling the little boy, Minhyuk, attached to his pant leg that he’d make a new friend today. It made Jinwoo’s heart soar to think about Sanha finally playing with children his own age. It made his heart skip a beat thinking about the worker’s smile, a beat that the rain couldn’t contain as it started to pour the moment he dashed to his car. The billboard across the way was blurred out by its presence, he thought it might be sign.


	2. Lee Eunkyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will probably be slow for this. But I'm excited to write it.

The morning, most of the day really, had started smoothly despite the rain, and being the parent that he found himself to be Jinwoo should have known better. He should have known that the day was only luring him into a false sense of security. Instead he had to learn the hard way like everyone else, only his rude awakening came in the form of his precious son crying himself to sleep. News he’d found out on his lunch break when he’d popped over to the daycare to check on him. The daycare staff hadn’t minded in the least. Overly eager to assuage the feelings of new parents. 

When he’d arrived Mr Kim, Myungjun, had smiled at him from the midst of sleeping children. Minhyuk, the little boy from that morning was in his arms snoring softly while the other children were on tiny mats. Sanha, as far as he’d been able to see from the doorway was sleeping fitfully with his blanket crumpled around him and his thumb in his mouth. A habit that was all but broken. Though despite it being a bad habit, Jinwoo secretly thought it was adorable. 

“Park Jinwoo?” Myungjun questioned him quietly as he rose with grace, a grace that Jinwoo had always lacked when getting up while holding Sanha. It spoke of long practice. He nodded to the question, quietly watching as the employee laid Minhyuk down to small protesting noises, a bit of back rubbing and they were quieted. “Checking up?” He asked still quietly as he crossed the small room and Jinwoo didn’t think he could move. There was something about this man that was reassuring and comforting. He decided it might be the smile.

“How is he?” Jinwoo asked as Myungjun reached him, he could see a frown forming as he ushered him out of the door closing it behind him. Jinwoo could still hear light breathing and realized there was a baby monitor in the worker’s apron. There was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind as Myungjun only smiled and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Paired with the fitful sleeping he could only think the worst and be minimally comforted by the warmth of the hand.

“There was an incident,” Myungjun started and before Jinwoo could become more than slightly alarmed the employee assured him. “It wasn’t anything too bad, these things happen sometimes but Sanha cried himself to sleep.” Myungjun had said something else but Jinwoo had zoned out for a second thinking about his son and how he hadn’t done that since the week his wife had left the house. “He was calling for his mother looking at the billboard across the street, he was able to see it when we went to the snack room.” 

Jinwoo was suddenly back into the conversation and looked down the hallway. And it was true, with the rain stopped the billboard was easily seen. It’s model smiling happily holding up a product. He had to look away himself. It still hurt. 

“I had to stop him from trying to get outside and he cried all through snack time. Until he wore out and fell asleep.” Myungjun’s voice was understanding, but Jinwoo could hear the questions there. The main one being why Sanha would think the person on the billboard was his mother. “Are you okay?” The question was abrupt in the way Jinwoo hadn’t been expecting it or the squeeze on his shoulder. It was the one question no one had asked him since the divorce. He wanted to cry too.

“I’m fine.” The lie was solid, or it should have been at least but Jinwoo could tell the employee wasn’t buying it. He dealt with children after all and they were prone to white lies. “You’re probably wondering why he’d go running at a billboard?” It was framed as a question but it was a statement. Before Myungjun could anwer another worker exited the room beside theirs. There was a baby monitor in their hand and a smile on her face. 

“I’m going to grab some lunch did you want anything?” She called over and Myungjun’s smile was back, it made something in Jinwoo’s chest squeeze after the frown. It felt a little bit like a rainbow after a strong storm. A lot like the way he felt when Sanha beamed at him after doing something he knew was cute. Myungjun didn’t answer instead just shaking his head ‘no’ and his coworker smiled and flounced out the door. 

He felt like he should question if that was safe but he didn’t. It wasn’t uncommon for him to leave Sanha in a room alone when he was napping after all. Instead he looked back to Myungjun who was now looking at him inquisitively. As if he could see far more about him than Jinwoo wanted him to. More than he wanted anyone to. He was fine, and that was the answer he was sticking to. Still, that billboard would be up for who knew how long. “Can we talk in private?” Jinwoo felt his ears redden at the question he’d asked. It sounded like more than it should have. 

“Sure.” Myungjun smiled softly and let go of his shoulder pointing to a small door he hadn’t noticed that morning. “This is the snack room, it’s naptime so it should be empty.” Jinwoo only nodded following him surprised he hadn’t asked anymore questions. Then again he supposed parents preferred to talk about their children away from them and others. Really he hadn’t talked to anyone but Sanha in person who wasn’t business related for a few weeks. But this conversation was exactly why he hadn’t.

The snack room was small, with a short table and short chairs, obviously meant for children shoved in one corner folded up to their right. On the far side of the room stood a normal sized table and a few chairs for older children. “We can sit if you’d like.” Myungjun had thrown the words over his shoulder watching the way he looked around the room. Jinwoo looked at his watch and wondered if he had that kind of time. He did, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to take it. Still he sat down heavily and prepared himself for the questions.

Myungjun took a seat across from him but only smiled to indicate Jinwoo was running the show. It made his heart leap into his throat as he thought about what he had to, needed to say. He just needed to know where to start, how to start. “Lee Eunkyung,” The name felt leaden in his mouth, it was a name he hadn’t said aloud in what felt like years. Truthfully it had been a little over six months. “That’s the model on the billboard, my ex-wife.” 

There was no reaction other than a widening of Myungjun’s eyes and a subtle but very real double glance over. As if the employee wasn’t sure he was telling the truth. It was something that Jinwoo could understand, once upon a time his ex-wife had been considered one of the most beautiful women alive. Now she, was a he and considered one of the most handsome men. There was a side note of transgender next to his new celebrity name of Cha Eunwoo but to the world of beauty that hardly mattered. To Jinwoo it wouldn’t have mattered either, but he’d never been asked. 

“So that is Sanha’s mother, we’re recently divorced and he hasn’t seen her,” He felt his words choking up just a touch as he remembered he hadn’t seen Eunkyung either, or more accurately he hadn’t seen Dongmin as he’d renamed himself either. And it hurt. He didn’t want to show it though as he went on. “Since the divorce. And even with her, his transitioning done I have sole custody. There’s no need for Sanha to see him.” What he didn’t say was there was no desire from the other side to see Sanha. 

Myungjun nodded and Jinwoo could tell he wasn’t sure what to say. There had been interview after interview when Cha Eunwoo was born, created from an image that already existed. In those interviews there had been no mention of a divorce, a child, or an ex-husband that still cared and was trying not to. They’d always been private about their life before and Jinwoo hadn’t anything to say to the press anyway. Even still he’d read the first interview after Eunkyung had asked for the divorce, he hadn’t been able to stomach it. The complete disregard of his existence, of their son. 

Thankfully before anymore awkward silence could form the baby monitor sounded. The shuffling of blankets, a sure sign of wakefulness. Somehow it seemed to break the heavy air that had unknowingly formed. Myungjun smiled, reaching across the table placing a hand on Jinwoo’s. He hadn’t realized he’d clenched them. The comfort in that one touch was more than he’d received since Eunkyung told him it was her, not him. All of their friends had been mostly mutual and even those that weren’t, they didn’t understand. They never stopped asking his opinion of Eunkyung’s gender reassignment never how he felt where it wasn’t related. 

It was as if he was caught up in a storm in which he was the center but he also didn’t exist. All the questions, concerns, and care circled around him as if he were the eye of the storm but they all cared only about his ex-wife. Only about why she’d made such a decision, why she’d left, and they were always, always about her. They were the reason he’d left, taking Sanha with him. Myungjun hadn’t asked any of those questions even knowing who Sanha’s mother was. That was a good sign he decided. 

Myungjun walked him out, frowning at the billboard his thoughts unreadable as he bid Jinwoo goodbye. He told him he’d see him at the designated time and that was that. It hadn’t been more than being honest, a bare telling of the story, and yet Jinwoo felt lighter as he looked up at the still slightly gray sky. The rain had passed for now. He hoped that Sanha would think so too when he came to pick him up later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well thoughts appreciated. Please don't come for me.


	3. Mommy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said a dash of angst...but I might need to fix that. Oops...Oh well I have a story to tell and I'm here to tell it.

“Where is Mommy?” The question was asked with the most innocent intentions and a face that broke Jinwoo’s heart. They were the first words Sanha said when turned around from signing him out. He noticed the way Myungjun had stiffened at the question as well, but the employee quickly herded the other children back to playing giving Jinwoo space. He appreciated it, but he wasn’t going to talk about the answer here. 

Not with anyone else around that might be able to over hear. Children talk. Parents talk even more, and there were a few just outside the door picking up their own children. He didn’t really want them to know who he used to be married to. He hadn’t really wanted anyone to know. He almost found himself snagged on the thought that he’d told Myungjun, but one look told him Sanha was seconds from a melt down. And some concessions were necessary. 

“Sanha,” Jinwoo did his best to make his voice firm but not punishing, it was a fair question really. He knew that. But that didn’t make it hurt less. “We’ve talked about this.” He kept his voice low as he picked his son up. His heart was heavier than the two year old as he turned back to the door and walked out. Thankfully there were no eyes on him as he did so. It had been a long time since he’d left somewhere without any eyes following him, judging him. It was nice, what wasn’t nice was the conversation he was leaving to have.

Of course he’d already told Sanha everything, well everything a two year old should hear. But he knew that it would be years before Sanha really understood what he was being told. What he was being told really meant. It was in moments like this, where he had to tell Sanha a lie, that he hated Eunkyung the most. That he hated Dongmin more. Because he was left with all the pieces that needed to be picked up while she, he, was out living their life like he supposed she must have always wanted. 

“I want Mommy.” Sanha’s cry was heard as he exited the building and he allowed himself one single heart broken sigh. How was he supposed to tell Sanha that his mommy didn’t want him? That his mother had left because of him. How was he supposed to hurt his child like that? He knew he couldn’t even as the truth got caught up in his throat, cutting him just as much as one day it would cut Sanha. 

“I know Sanha but Mommy left.” The words stung like they had the first time, still he kept moving towards his car. No use staying out in the open and causing a scene. If anyone really wanted to know what was going on they’d ask. He wouldn’t give them an answer of course, but they’d ask. He’d been asked so many things he couldn’t answer, this question though hurt the most. “Mommy lives back in Seoul and we live here now.” 

Sanha only pouted at him as he strapped him into the car seat and handed him his favorite toy, a yellow car that had lost one of its plush wheels. He’d been looking for a new one but unable to find the exact one. Anything else and he knew that his spoiled baby wouldn’t accept it. So he’d sewn the hole shut and made do. The toy was thrown and small arms crossed in a display of anger that Jinwoo frowned at. The toddler’s face was a storm cloud the same as his mother’s always was when she was upset. 

Idly he wondered if Dongmin still made that same face when he was being unreasonably angry. The thought made his mood darken as he closed the door. Sanha wasn’t making a fuss yet and they still needed to get home. Preferably before it started raining again. He didn’t want to risk it, not after what had happened. Not after that car accident had turned his life, their lives upside down. It had been a year ago now but it felt even longer. 

The memories though were still fresh and the damage was still healing, would probably always be healing. It hadn’t been until that accident that what Jinwoo had thought was his perfect life was revealed to be Eunkyung’s nightmare. He hadn’t known until then that it wasn’t the life she wanted. He didn’t think until then she had realized that she wasn’t the gender she wanted. In that accident she’d lost her memory, all her memories of them and their relationship. Her memories of Sanha. And with them her desire to be with them. 

For roughly six months they’d tried to make it work. Jinwoo had done everything he could but things had been failing before then too. He’d just been blind to it. Even now he wondered if he’d known would things be different. If he hadn’t unintentionally burdened her, if he’d taken up more slack with everything sooner, would she still have felt trapped? Though he knew there were no answers for his questions just as there were no real answers he could give Sanha. 

Autopilot had seen them home safely and Jinwoo chastised himself for it as he parked the car. Even if he knew that’s just what happened when you drove the same place every day for so long. He wanted to be a more attentive driver. Sanha at least wasn’t angry anymore and had fallen asleep, likely from playing harder than he normally did. It made him smile. If nothing else Sanha was happy and that’s all he could ask for. Maybe for now all he could manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have questions please feel free to ask! Next chapter will be from Eunwoo's perspective.


	4. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we're moving a bit faster than I thought we would. I think this will be about 10-12 chapters??? Don't quote me on that. 
> 
> Also Eunwoo is not a bad guy. I repeat he is not a bad guy. He's human just like the rest of us.

Eunwoo, it was still a strange name to be called but he was happy he at least answered to it. Dongmin on the other hand sometimes had to be yelled twice, like now, to catch his attention. When he looked up it was Moonbin frowning at him from the doorway of their shared bedroom. They’d only moved in together last month, rather quick but they were happy. Sometimes that happiness reminded him of everything he’d left behind. Of who he’d left behind. “What is it?” His voice sounded distant even to him. 

“Nothing important, lunch is ready.” Moonbin’s voice was soft, gentle, and everything that Dongmin had ever wanted. He knew though that had also been everything he’d once had as well. “Are you okay? You’ve been holed up in here for a while now.” Dongmin caught the worry in his boyfriend’s eyes, the look that told him he looked like he was falling to pieces. The look he’d given him that made him fall for him and the concern he had. 

“I’ve just been thinking.” He trailed off looking at the photograph in his hand, it was of his old life. His old self. Sighing he put the photograph back into the shoe box it had come from then placed it back under the bed. Now he only wanted to be held and he knew he’d get that as he stood crossing the room to lean into Moobin’s side. The younger was slightly shorter than him, but he wasn’t bothered by it as arms wrapped around his waist. He had once been accustomed to someone much shorter. 

Shaking his head into the warm side Dongmin sighed again. “Do you want to talk about it?” Moonbin’s hands stilled on his back as he waited for a response. He was sure his boyfriend knew what he was thinking about, what he’d been thinking about for the last few weeks really. Still, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. To talk about the lies he’d told and the guilt he carried from his divorce. It had been months ago after all. 

“No. Let’s eat.” He smiled leaning down to press a not so chaste kiss on his boyfriend’s lips before slipping out of his arms and running down the hallway. The laughter that followed his own was invigorating. Almost as much as the arms that slipped around his waist as he stepped foot into the kitchen with a cry of ‘I’ve got you’. Food was forgotten for just a moment as he thought about what they could eat instead. At least until the moment was ruined by his growling stomach. 

The noise had Moonbin giggling and stepping back to fix their plates and then set them on the table. A flash of a memory caught him then, they’d been doing that a lot lately. Though he supposed it was normal, he had lost bits of his memory after all. It had taken a good four months for most of them to return, even though by then he’d already changed. He’d already decided what he wanted and that Jinwoo wasn’t it. That being a mother wasn’t it. That being a woman wasn’t it. 

In that time he’d met Moonbin, who accepted all those things about him. Including how he didn’t really want to see his son. Lately though he’d been missing Sanha, more than he’d thought he would. He just hadn’t found the right words to express it. Though he knew that Moonbin knew. There was no way that he didn’t with all the times he’d caught him going through the photographs of his baby. Still, he knew that what he was missing was not the same as what he’d left behind. Not the same as being a mother, or a wife. 

“It looks good.” Dongmin forced himself to say as he pushed away the memory. He wanted this life, he’d asked for this life. And there were things that could be done to see Sanha, he was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one has said anything does that mean this is boring and bad? It feels boring and bad. Well Jinwoo is back up next, there will be more Dongmin/Moonbin later. I'm still setting things up.


	5. Building up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a build up chapter. Aka a lot of important things happen in it that really don't lead anywhere quickly. That's just how it is sometimes.

It had been awhile since Jinwoo had seen his cousin, Jimin, and her children but he was glad he was able to find the time. Though it had taken him a while and he’d been town a little over a month before he was able to see her. It was nice, not just for him either but also Sanha. Who hadn’t seen his cousins in a while either. Far longer than he’d not seen his cousin and her husband who had stopped by before his divorce without her children. They’d helped him pack, among other things. 

“How do you like the area?” Jimin’s voice was neutral and her eyes weren’t on him as she asked. It was a question to fill the lull of silence that had developed as they sat on her front porch watching the children. They were playing with a rubber ball that had already threatened to hit one of the older children in the face when Sanha threw it. They’d taken it with the ill grace of any older child and a look for help from their parent. She’d let them handle it. 

Jinwoo took the time to think about the question as he watched his only child be shown how to safely play with the ball. “I like it so far the people are nice and it’s not quite as crowded here.” He finally answered looking over at his cousin. There was something else written on her face and he wasn’t sure he was going to like what she had to say next. He had an inkling of what it might be, though he could always hope to be wrong. 

He knew he wasn’t wrong when his cousin’s smirk was turned towards him. “The people are nice huh?” There was a lilt to her voice he recognized that made him want to sigh in answer to it, he didn’t. “Does that mean you’ve met someone?” And just like that the trap was sprung. Jimin’s face though was the picture of innocence. In much the same way Sanha’s was when he knew he’d broken a rule. 

“I,” He started turning away from her and watching Sanha instead, his son at least was still having fun. Completely unaware of the adult’s conversation taking place on the porch, completely carefree. In a way he was jealous. “I don’t know that I’m ready to meet anyone.” He finally finished after a short pause. In which he’d had to fight back the image of Myungjun smiling at him. As well as the image of a cute girl from the class he wasn’t teaching. He didn’t know her name yet. 

Jimin had looked from him to Sanha, a look crossing her face that he couldn’t read from his peripheral vision. “Don’t let Sanha hold you back if you find someone. He’s too young to understand everything but he’s young enough that the change will be easier.” The tone of her voice was soft, understanding, and dug at his heart. Because he knew that, really he did. It was just still hard getting over who he’d thought was the love of his life. But he’d been thinking about his prospects, slowly but surely. 

Another silence grew, no more strained than the first one as the air wasn’t quite devoid of noise. The children’s voices and various other sounds filling it. “Dongmin’s been talking to your lawyer.” The sudden words took Jinwoo’s breath away, leaving a crushing void where he knew his heart was supposed to be. The thoughts he’d been entertaining about the girl and Myungjun at his cousin’s question vanishing as if they’d never existed. It felt like a sucker punch. 

“How do you know?” His voice felt tight, uncertain, vulnerable and he hated it. Sanha was waving to him from the sandbox his older cousins had opened up for them to play in. The blue shovel in his hand looked huge and he wanted to burn the sight into his memory. Jimin yelled something at the kids before he could feel her looking back at him seriously. He hadn’t heard what she’d said thinking about what Dongmin could possibly want, if it were true. 

The question had only gotten him the look, a head shake, and then a sigh. A long drawn out one that told him he wasn’t thinking logically. “Did you forget that I introduced you to your lawyer?” Jimin smiled at him indulgently and he had the grace to look abashed. “My husband would be upset to hear you’d forgotten your lawyer is his brother.” She shook her head and a bit of the seriousness slipped away with her words. 

“They just seem worlds apart.” He admitted with a small smile. It was true too. His brother-in-law was nice, a bit goofy, and an all around good guy. Which was the opposite of his brother, a no nonsense lawyer who hardly cracked a joke in the office. Though Jinwoo could distinctly recall that he wasn’t like that at family gatherings. Professionalism he guessed. Jimin seemed to agree with him with a nod. 

Another silence stretched, heavier but not. Jinwoo thought about everything Dongmin might have wanted from his lawyer, but he knew that asking Jimin wouldn’t get him answers. He’d have to talk to his lawyer too. Though he supposed if it were important he would have been informed. “Thanks for telling me.” He smiled and not for the first time he was glad that someone was on his side. After the divorce it was a feeling that had been absent. 

Everything had changed after the divorce. His circle of friends mostly taking Dongmin’s side, even before his gender reassignment. Several that hadn’t left before then did afterwards or he’d left them because they couldn’t understand why he’d not known. Thinking he’d neglected Eunkyung and that was why she’d left. That he’d trapped her in the life of a housewife. Some days he almost felt he was guilty too. He knew it wasn’t true, had never been true. 

“Does Sanha like the daycare?” This question like the others was out of nowhere but Jinwoo had sort of been expecting it. After all Jimin had suggested the place and she’d had nothing but praise to say for it. Then there was also the fact that before the daycare the only children Sanha had been around much was his cousins. And that wasn’t often or healthy for him. Children need socialized and they both knew that. 

“He likes Mr Kim.” Jinwoo commented without thinking and found himself trying not to blush. He liked Mr Kim too and he could see Jimin had picked up on that but he continued anyway. “There’s also a little boy in the class named Minhyuk that Sanha seems taken with. Which is good because here in a few months summer will start and I’ll have to work longer hours.” The reminder had him wondering if he’d be able to leave Sanha at the daycare that long. 

“That’s good then.” Jimin smiled and Jinwoo knew she was holding back, the look on her face told him so. But the conversation was cut off by the explosion of little voices when a car pulled into the drive. Seen over the little fence that divided it from the driveway. His cousin lived further out of the city and it allowed her the luxury of space. He wondered if maybe he should have done the same even if it wasn’t as convenient for travel times. 

The thought of summer followed him inside as he took Sanha to clean up after playing in the sand. To ensure he didn’t eat any of it. Maybe Jimin could watch Sanha sometimes. Though he knew that wouldn’t work everyday. It was a problem for later though he decided focusing on the now instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you see where I'm going with this?


	6. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this story tbh. I love thinking about it and where it's going.

Jinwoo allowed himself to sigh as he looked at the temperature on his phone. It was only five thirty in the morning and it was already hot. In his head he knew that was the first sign of summer, even if the calendar wouldn’t agree with him for days. It wasn’t about what the days said, it was about the heat. An idea that Eunkyung had found ridiculous but he’d make sure that Sanha understood when he was older. But for now he kept the thought to himself preparing for the evitable. 

He’d have to ask the daycare how late they could watch his son over the next few months. Because whether the calendar agreed with him or not his work did, and that was infinitely more important in the long run. Already he’d gotten at least three requests for extra lessons, one cheer team, and two dance crews that had competitions that took place in summer. He used to get more, before he’d moved. Before he was Eunkyung’s ex-husband. Even so, his name alone still carried weight enough. 

At first he’d been almost surprised by the requests, his employer certainly had at least. Though he knew it was a possibility, really, before he’d moved he’d been getting upwards of ten or more requests for extra lessons. Depending on what they needed from him he took very few. Now it didn't really matter, it was money and he needed it. So he'd accepted them all. Which admittedly left him in a bind for childcare as he couldn't just bring a two year old with him to work. 

Well, that wasn't true. He probably could but it wasn't advisable. Sanha would get bored and probably cause a ruckus, intended or not. And in general he'd be a distraction to Jinwoo's students. A risk Jinwoo couldn't take. After all he didn't have Eunkyung's paychecks to help boost the spending power anymore and raising Sanha alone was an expense. Though a good chunk of the expenses were covered by child support. And he spent his alimony checks on rent. Which left his paycheck to pay for food and other household needs.

Jinwoo sighed as he dressed the thought of finances was a troublesome one. They weren't any easier than the task at hand, getting Sanha ready. As he'd started to have nightmares around waking time. Nightmares that started a week ago, when the billboard of Eunkyung become a billboard of Eunwoo. And that alone made it tempting to blame his ex-wife for them. But he knew that Sanha didn't measure time by the changes around him. Not yet. Which meant that really it was Jinwoo himself to blame and the Disney movie, The Black Cauldron, that was darker than he'd expected. 

Still, why didn't really matter when it meant getting smacked in the face by flailing arms. In hindsight Jinwoo was going to be more careful in what the movies he allowed entailed, and not just who made it and the fact it was animated. Which is where he'd gone wrong. And what left him with an armful of sweaty, teary eyed toddler. But he knew the dreams would fade, had already started to really. As he no longer had them at naptime at the daycare. For which he was thankful. That had been an awkward conversation with Myungjun.

Getting Sanha into an outfit, that didn't look like he'd dressed him in the dark, he thought about the daycare worker. They'd actually had quite a few conversations in passing as he dropped Sanha off and when he picked him up. Nothing too deep, except last week when the billboard changed. Myungjun had taken him aside and asked if he was okay. It was a question he hadn't been expecting, a question he didn't know how to answer. Still wasn't sure he could answer. But Myungjun had taken that in stride and advised he relax. 

Which in retrospect had led to the ill advised Disney movie. But Jinwoo knew that was his fault in movie choices. It had helped though. And really seeing Myungjun's smile everyday was a different kind of help. Almost as much help as Eunkyung's had, back before they'd started dating. But the thought made his heart squeeze and his eyes stray to the woman in the other dance class. He'd only recently gotten her name, Mei. A Chinese exchange student turned resident. 

Mei was everything that Eunkyung had been. Graceful, talented, and sweet with a touch of bashful. And he was certain he could really fall for her, if he allowed himself. If he ever got up the courage to have more than passing small talk with her. If he could stop equating her with what he'd thought he could have with Eunkyung. With what he thought he did have, until she'd told him that they didn't. That he made her feel trapped. 

Snapping himself out of it Jinwoo smiled down at Sanha in the carseat. He'd fallen asleep on the way out of the house, which made the drive to the daycare quiet. With no chatter or music his only company the other cars on the streets, which weren't many yet as he'd left a little early. He didn't expect his conversation to run over, but it was better to be prepared in case. His name might have brought him some concessions at his job but tardiness wasn't one of them.

Jinwoo noted that Sunshine Daycare looked aptly named with the sun hitting it just right this early in the morning. It was beautiful in its own way with the way the sun hit the tinted glass of its door. Catching on the children's art projects they'd made to hang there giving it color. There were a few hung from the tree near the play area as well. It made it easier to envision Sanha staring up at them one day soon when he was old to play on the equipment there.

Song greeted him in the entryway with a smile. It hasn't changed much except the seasonal decor and replaced art. He also noticed that her name badge had changed to match, but he didn't comment on it. Instead making his way to Myungjun's room, Sanha asleep on his shoulder just like the first time. Yet, unlike the first time he could feel his heart pound as he put his hand on the door handle. 

He knew what to expect. Myungjun, with a smile and most likely Minhyuk attached to his leg. It didn't make his heart calm any to remind himself of that. It never did. Because every time he opened the door Myungjun's smile took his breath away. In a way he knew what it meant, but he didn't want to get hurt like that again. So he prepared himself in that half second before he pushed the door open. Readied himself as best he could, and stepped in.

“Jinwoo!” Myungjun's voice was quiet, but his enthusiasm was still present as he smiled stepping towards him. His arms extended for Sanha, and as expected Minhyuk was there clinging to his leg. “Is he still having nightmares?” The question made Jinwoo smile inwardly, it was nice that Myungjun cared. 

“Seems so. They're not as bad as they were.” He answered as he turned to the sign in sheet. It was still hard to believe that his name was in this book at least sixty times. Not counting the double signatures of each day. When he turned to look back the worker was settling Sanha in his arms more comfortably, while Minhyuk pouted in jealousy. That was a story he was curious about, Minhyuk was just always there and he'd never seen his parents. 

“Good.” There was a smile in the honey voice that matched the smile on full lips. Lips that Jinwoo yanked his eyes from hoping the shorter male hadn't noticed, if he did he didn't say anything instead continuing. “These things run their course, so it won't be long now.” Something squeezed in Jinwoo’s chest as the employee patted Sanha's head when he made a small noise. 

“I was wondering,” Jinwoo started, finding the words had more weight than he'd intended. Which made Myungjun look at him, tilting his head curiously as if he couldn't be sure of the direction the question would go. “How late does the daycare stay open in summer?” He'd finished the question he'd intended to ask but he couldn't help thinking that it didn't fit the mood he'd set for it. Still he needed to know. 

“Summer,” The word was stretched out in a way that had anyone else said it that way Jinwoo would have been annoyed. But it wasn't just anyone, and he knew that shouldn't be how he was thinking. It didn't stop him though. “Our hours don't change. We sometimes open a few Saturdays but that's about it.” The employee shrugged and when he did his face caught the light from the window in a way that made him look younger. “What were you needing?”

He knew his face must have shown his disappointment from the way the question had been asked. “I have more work, later work, over the summer.” Sighing he wondered if Jimin would be able to keep Sanha over the summer. He didn't want to ask her though. He didn't want to miss his son for months just because it wasn't practical to drive to her place everyday. “I was hoping I could leave Sanha until about nine.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked at his son, he'd just have to figure it out. 

“I can watch him.” The words seemed to take Myungjun back just as much as they took Jinwoo. But the employee's eyes were serious and he quickly clarified. “I don't mean here, I can watch him at my place,” There was a flush on his cheeks as he quickly added. “Or your place.” 

Jinwoo thought about it a moment. It startled him to realize how much he trusted Myungjun to do just that, how much he already thought of him. Still. “I don't want to inconvenience you,” He grimaced internally if it weren't for his blossoming personal feelings he might say yes. “I can't pay that much either.”

“It's not an inconvenience. I often do my online coursework at night while watching Minhyuk here. His parents are my cousins, their workload decreases in the summer.” Jinwoo found himself nodding, that explained a few things. Like why Minhyuk clung to him and he'd never seen his parents. Myungjun was still flushed when their eyes met. “Of course if you don't feel comfortable with that I understand.”

Jinwoo sighed. “That's not it.” He found himself smiling as he looked at how comfortable Sanha looked in Myungjun's arms. How at home he looked. “I'll think about it over work. I just hadn't thought to ask,” He trailed off as it was obvious asking would have been a lot. “Can I get your number and I'll see what kind of offer I can make you?” Surprisingly that brought a little more color to Myungjun's cheeks but he nodded and they exchanged numbers. Just in time for more children to arrive.

With that nearly settled Jinwoo headed to work with the thought of coming home to Myungjun's smile. To the idea of coming home to Myungjun. The thought made him flush and chased him through his first class. In which he figured out how much he could offer for babysitting. The reply of agreement came much faster than he thought it would. And kept him from fully flirting back with Mei, who had approached him for lunch. Because everytime he looked at her he thought of Myungjun. 

It was then he realized maybe he was already over his head. That maybe he always had been. Even the new giantic ads plastered everywhere with Eunwoo and his new man, Moonbin, couldn't touch his mood. A few weeks ago they'd left him sobbing his in bedroom. But today, today was looking up. But maybe not as up as tomorrow when he'd have Myungjun over to show him the house. The thought put butterflies in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's mistakes let me know. I wrote a good half of it on my phone


	7. Apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myungjun gets an apartment tour and learns more about it than Jinwoo thought he was going to reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I know the timeline in this fic, its started in late March. Which means we are now early May. In my head it's supposed to end when Sanha is five but I'm not sure how we'll get there. But the drama is starting slowly but surely. Next chapter will be Eunwoo again.
> 
> Sorry I took so long. I'm just back from Japan now so I should get back on schedule soonish...

His palms were sweating and Jinwoo knew it wasn't the heat, not really. It couldn't be anyway as he had the air conditioning going at a decent, heat beating temperature. But he knew why he was sweating, why he'd been on a nervous edge all day. Myungjun was coming over. And he knew it shouldn't affect him like it was, but it did. In the back of his mind he was reminded of the last time he'd felt this way. It had been when Eunkyung came over to his place for the first time. Only back then there hadn't been a two year old and a question of interest involved.

Not that Jinwoo wanted there to be interest involved. At least that's what he told himself as he checked on Sanha for the sixth time, his eyes going from the camera at the front door to his toddler on the floor in the living area. He had put Disney's Frozen in, and just like all the online advice and parenting knacks had said he was enraptured. It was a kind of double edged sword as Sanha had already watched it twice today and begged for the third viewing. In between that he'd been asking him about building a snowman. Something that would eventually drive him insane he knew. 

Still, it was preferable to the nightmares and would hopefully, finally chase them away. If the research he'd done about it was correct on that too, it'd been right about everything else. So far it has been spot on and that was what mattered. Being a single parent was hard enough without at least the internet to turn to. Granted he took a lot of what he found there with a large grain of salt and a few real life opinions when he thought what he found was a little too sketchy. Most of it wasn’t though, as he’d gotten a few good websites off his cousin. Jimin was in a lot of ways a lifeline. 

He wasn't sure what he'd do without her and her advice. Or her offers to babysit if he really, really needed it. Though he'd told her about Myungjun and his own offer over FaceTime. To which she'd wiggled her eyebrows and lilted her voice expanding on her own ideas of what that meant. Ideas he silenced by hanging up on her claiming there had been issues with FaceTime. She'd since apologized for being overly concerned about his love life. And he'd forgiven her. Though they both knew she hadn't been wrong, and he'd already told her about his growing attraction.

The doorbell made him jump and when he looked to the camera Myungjun was there. And for a split second Jinwoo forgot how to breathe. A feeling that didn't last as Sanha must have looked too, judging by the high squeal of his voice. An excited ‘Mr Kim!’ spilling from his young lips. Jinwoo smiled to himself watching his son clap about it. He'd told him that Myungjun would be coming the night before. He paused the movie as he stood up, even though this was Sanha's third viewing. He knew better than to think his son wouldn't beg him to rewind it. And he knew he'd be just as likely to give in.

“Let's go greet him shall we?” Jinwoo asked with a smile that was brighter than he felt as the true depth of what was happening hit him. This would be the first time he'd ever left Sanha with someone that wasn't family at home. But he was as prepared as he was going to be with a list of the nightly routines he used. Emergency numbers were up on the fridge. And despite how shortly they'd been acquainted he trusted Myungjun. Which was really saying something as Sanha was the most important person in his life. Was his whole life right now really. The nice things around them but an expression of his love, one that had originally been envisioned with Eunkyung.

“Mr Kim!” Sanha squealed in answer clapping his hands again and Jinwoo smiled picking him up as he came around the coffee table. From what he could tell Sanha really liked Myungjun, even better than he liked his cousins. Which he supposed might make sense, since his cousins weren’t as inclined to playing with him the same way he’d seen the employee playing with his charges. Getting down to their level and making just as much noise as they did. Or so Sanha had told him and from what he’d seen, glimpses of it as he opened the room door, it was true. 

The sweat on Jinwoo’s palms seemed to intensify as he reached the door. A screen displaying his guest just beside it. He couldn’t help staring at it a second longer than required even as Sanha squirmed in his arms. It was just hard to look away from how nervous Myungjun looked himself, bouncing on the balls of his toes while he tightly clasped his hands together. It was endearing. Still he couldn’t stare forever, even if he wanted to so he cut it off at a few seconds before opening the door with what he hoped was a confident smile. “Myungjun you’re right on time.” 

Myungjun smiled at him landing on his feet, and Jinwoo felt like he might lose his own footing at the way the other male beamed at him. It made his heart skip and if Sanha hadn’t chosen that moment to make a move for the other male he might have flushed. Instead he saved his son from a concussion and steadied him in his arms. He could feel warm, long fingers brushing against his on Sanha’s back. He smiled as Myungjun pulled away, flushing himself. “You need to be careful Sanha.” The words weren’t as stern as Jinwoo wanted them to be. 

“Sorry.” Sanha turned his face up to look at him and Jinwoo almost caved. Instead he ushered the other male inside and waved his free arm around. The other still held Sanha in place as he moved down the hall after shutting the door behind them. He wasn’t as nervous as he had been before listening to his son tell his new babysitter about their house, well in his own way. Which meant that Jinwoo would have to give him a tour later. But first came the basics.

The basics being where to find the important things and a run down of the when Jinwoo himself would be home. They could wait though as he watched his son and Myungjun interact, the slightly taller male nodding to the little bit of nonsense Sanha was currently sharing. Which just happened to be where the hiding place of the block people was, or in reality the place Jinwoo was constantly having to clean out of toys. Still it was nice, the moment made something in his chest squeeze painfully. Other memories coming forward he’d rather let go of.

Memories he did his best to let go of as he re-situated Sanha in front of the TV and told him that he needed to get dinner ready. It got him a pout when he said that Mr Kim was going to help him. But a promise they’d play later had him turning back to the scene where Olaf was born. A moment that Jinwoo could go without seeing for another week himself. Though he had the feeling things weren’t going to turn out that way. 

“You have a nice home.” Myungjun said as he followed him into the kitchen. Which was really only separated from the living area by a counter and a long table directly on the other side. It was still easy enough to see over that he didn’t feel bad leaving Sanha in the living room though. “It’s much bigger than I thought it would be.” Jinwoo only nodded at that, it was true. If things were different he probably wouldn’t have kept the place. 

“Thank you.” He smiled hiding all his secrets as he moved around the kitchen doing exactly what he’d told his son he would be. While also pointing out where certain things were. “I’ll show you around the other parts later. For now here’s the emergency numbers,” He pointed to the list on the fridge before he opened it pointing out where he kept the snacks and juices. And the things that under no circumstances was Sanha to have before bed no matter how he begged. And at least told him where the different rooms were in the apartment. 

Myungjun seemed to hang on every word and helped him as he got the foods out for dinner. While also keeping an eye on Sanha. The sight made something in Jinwoo melt a little faster than the butter did on the stove. But he was able to focus on not burning anything as the topic shifted from what the routines for Sanha were to the apartment. “I originally bought it for Eunkyung as a gift for our anniversary.” Jinwoo found himself confessing as he checked on the rice. The heat on his cheeks had little do with the steam that was coming from the food. 

“It’s close enough to most of the big photoshoot sites that she could have come home easily enough.” For a moment Jinwoo wondered why he was opening up, why he was being honest. More honest than he’d been with Jimin when she saw the place, her eyes huge and a question of how he could afford it on her lips. “I know the guy who the owns the building and had him customize this place for us.” He sighed as he looked at the wall separating the kitchen and his studio. It was thick enough that it wouldn’t affect the mirrors in there. “He still lets me get a discounted rent.”

Myungjun was looking at him as he cut up vegetables and Jinwoo could see understanding his eyes. “It’s a nice place. There’s no need for it to go to waste just because you’re not with her anymore.” Jinwoo nodded and felt a little better, relieved that someone agreed with him. That someone was on his side. And not Eunkyung’s, not Dongmin’s. Relieved that someone wasn’t telling him he didn’t deserve anything because he obviously oppressed her for her to leave him and change genders. 

“Thank you.” He hadn’t meant to say it but Jinwoo meant it as he smiled softly at Myungjun, who was smiling back. They were only a foot apart but somehow the distance didn’t feel real, didn’t feel like it was there at all between them. The moment was short lived when the rice clicked over and they both turned to look at it startled. For a moment all Jinwoo could think about was the very subtle look Myungjun had given his lips. A look he’d tried not to notice but it was the only thing he could think about putting the finishing touches on dinner. 

Thankfully Myungjun had gone to the living room to collect Sanha and have him pick up his toys. After dinner he was going to conveniently run to the store long enough for the new babysitter to do his job. Which was to put Sanha to bed, put away dinner, and in essence wait for Jinwoo to come home. That thought had a tingle of anticipation run up his spine. If he were willing to be honest with himself, he could admit the idea of Myungjun waiting for him took him in several different directions. Most of them related to the master bedroom he’d never used. All of which were thoughts he knew he shouldn’t encourage.

Dinner was a short affair filled with chatter from Sanha and random questions from Myungjun. It felt domestic in a way that Jinwoo hadn’t realized he’d been missing. In a way that things hadn’t felt with Eunkyung even before the accident. He wondered if maybe it was the accidental foot brushings under the table, the genuine questions from Myungjun, or the adoring way that Sanha looked between them. Either way by the time he was done with his plate Jinwoo needed out. Needed air. Needed time to think. To think about why he was so into Myungjun in the first place. 

Still it was nice for Myungjun to see him off at the door, with Sanha in tow. Their hands linked and for a moment, just a moment everything felt natural. Then he was heading to the store and it hit him how he’d really just left his son at home with someone not family for the first time. And he couldn’t help but worry about how Sanha might take it as he was gone for hours. How his son might feel that he wasn’t there to put him to bed, that maybe Sanha would think of him like Eunkyung. That he’d left him. Of course he knew he was being ridiculous.

There was no way that Sanha was going to think he’d abandoned him just because he was being watched by someone else. Still he felt better when he got a photo of his son safely tucked away in his own bed. As Sanha’s bedroom was the one room Jinwoo had been sure to show Myungjun before leaving. It made him feel better and he wondered if that was why he was so into Myungjun. That he just made him feel better, when he smiled, when laughed, when he looked at him. If it was just as simple as that. That he made Jinwoo feel when he’d thought he couldn’t anymore. 

Maybe, he thought to himself as he walked around the store just one more lap, to stare at the mugs for the nth time, that was enough. Eunkyung had once made him feel too, then she’d taken what he thought was perfect and turned it upside down. Made him see how one sided his thoughts had been. He didn’t want to make that mistake with Myungjun, he wanted to be honest with him he decided as he thought about the babysitter waiting for him at home. Of course he didn’t have to be honest right this second either he decided as he thought about how to tell Myungjun his feelings. 

About how he was easily, and quite irrevocably, falling for him. He just hoped that this time when he gave his heart away he was going to find the happiness he hadn’t had with Eunkyung. A real happiness that wasn’t as fragile as theirs had turned out to be. And inside where he wasn’t jealous, where he only wished good things, he wished Eunkyung to find that kind of happiness as Dongmin now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys like the chapter summaries? I might put my place holder notes there...If you like them. I can't promise they'll really sum up chapters though.


	8. Private Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eunwoo has come to a decision for something. Something he'd thought he'd made his mind up on long ago. As always Moonbin is by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally getting somewhere. Well grand scheme wise. I think the slow romance is fine. But I feel like there needs to be more Sanha. You tell me. 
> 
> It's been a long time since I've been around a two year old though.

Dongmin looked up at the sign above the door and then over at his boyfriend, whose hand was in his own. He was nervous but the smile Moonbin was wearing made him feel better. While also making him feel guilty at the same time. They wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. Then again he knew they also wouldn’t be here if Moonbin hadn’t encouraged him to do this. To do what he’d been thinking of doing for months, ever since he’d found an old photo shoved away under their shared bed while he was looking for old contracts. “Are you sure we should do this? Are you sure you don’t mind?” 

Of course he already knew the answers, he’d asked these questions hundreds of times in what felt like thousands of different ways. But Moonbin’s answer never changed, it didn’t change now as his boyfriend only smiled at him and took his hand. The other hand going to the door, knocking politely to announce their arrival. He was grateful that Moonbin had done it, because he wasn’t sure that he could. His heart was trembling almost as much as his hands when the door opened to reveal the detective they’d come to see.

“You must be Lee Dongmin and Moon Bin?” The detective's voice was smooth, deep, and soothing but Dongmin still found himself speechless. The man didn’t look anything like he thought he would. Which was to say that he was short, a little thin, and wearing some of the brightest clothes he’d seen outside one of his own photo shoots. His smile though was wide, a bit too wide as he motioned them inside still talking. “I’m detective Jung, we talked earlier this week.” 

“Yes.” Dongmin finally found his voice as he followed the man back through another door bypassing a desk that sat empty. “We’re glad you could see us on such short notice.” He added as he looked around the new office, it was pale blue and bare, minus a few plants in the window and a pile of boxes by the door. He took the seat offered in front of the white, weather beaten desk while Moonbin sat in the chair beside his. They both watched as the detective made his way around the desk slowly, staring at them intently. 

“Well, it wasn’t such short notice in this business. I apologize for the lack of tea we’re currently out. As my secretary is away, out picking some up along with items for our new office, and I’ve just come back from another job.” Detective Jung’s smile was more appropriately sized this time and Dongmin smiled good naturedly. The explanation definitely fit the barren feel of the place. A bit like a business that had just opened its doors before it was quite ready. “So let’s just get down to business.” The words were cheerful and followed by the creak of the chair behind the desk, just as equally worn in. 

Moonbin had shifted in his seat and it drew Dongmin’s attention to him even as the detective continued to look at him pleasantly. “We have a contract for you to sign before we are able to give you any details of the case.” Dongmin smiled at the way the detective blinked at them as if it was the first time he’d ever had someone pull a non disclosure form on him. “It’s just your standard non disclosure form.” Moonbin’s smile was getting icier the longer he held up the document.

Dongmin jumped when the response was a loud full belly laugh as the detective scooped up the papers. “Is there something wrong?” He asked as the detective continued laughing while signing, and not for the first time since they’d entered he wondered if they’d made the right choice. There were other options, better options, more expensive options that he didn’t really want to pursue. He’d heard good things about this detective from a staff member, but he was starting to wonder. 

“Nothing. It’s just that all you actor and model types bring these forms.” Detective Jung was smiling up at them now, pulling a document from the top drawer of the desk. “But as a private detective I have my own non disclosure forms for you to sign. As much of my work could be considered highly questionable in the court of law if I’m not careful. And you might ask me to do such things.” He raised an eyebrow at them and Dongmin finally saw the humor. 

“Ah I understand.” He smiled and allowed himself to relax a little more. Feeling much more comfortable knowing the man had worked with other famous customers. “Well, then to business.” He nodded pulling out the photo that had sparked his desire to be here along with a few others. “I want to find my son.” Detective Jung nodded taking the photos and flipping through them as Dongmin went on. “His name is Park Sanha and his father’s name is Park Jinwoo.” 

Detective Jung made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat without looking up from the photos. He rifled through them one more time even as Dongmin exchanged a look with Moonbin. He was still nervous. “How long ago did you part ways?” Before either of them could answer the question another was asked. “Where was the last place you saw your ex husband? Do you know where he might go?”

Dongmin blinked of course he’d expected the questions, really he’d expected even more but he hadn’t told the detective he and Jinwoo had been married. “How did you know it’s my ex-husband?” He knew it really should be obvious, the man was a detective and there was news about his marriage in backlog by the hundreds. But he’d always been private about his marriage, about his personal life. Lest someone know his weaknesses, even with Moonbin only pertinent staff knew they were together.

“Your wedding band in the photos, and your lack thereof today.” Detective Jung looked pointedly at his hand and Dongmin almost blushed. “You also said your son, and his father. I know of your surgery, as most of Korea does at this point really. It’s the only explanation is it not?” Dongmin only nodded and was grateful for Moonbin’s hand on his knee. “I won’t ask anything personal that isn’t relevant. I do need to know though are you…” 

Dongmin cut him off holding up a stack of papers before the detective could ask what he knew he was going to. “Yes. And the last time I saw Jinwoo was shortly before the divorce finalized. I wasn’t in court the day of, I had a photoshoot. That was roughly a year ago? Maybe a bit more.” He looked to Moonbin for confirmation but his boyfriend only shrugged. He gave the date instead and the detective nodded. “His family won’t talk to me and none of our previously mutual friends have heard from him.” He added with a sigh. Things hadn’t ended well, even without his gender reassignment. 

“I’ll do some digging and get back to you.” Detective Jung laid out the photos and the documents setting his own up for them to sign, Dongmin was sure. “Can I keep these photographs?” Dongmin nodded and before he knew it they were done and heading towards the door. His hopes staying in the rooms behind them. He truly hoped this detective was as good as he’d heard.

“He’ll find them.” Moonbin’s voice was assuring and his hand on Dongmin’s back was everything in that moment. Though neither of them said anything until they reached the car, there was nothing left to say. Moonbin had made it clear he would accept Sanha, and they were placing their trust in this detective to find him. “Why don’t we get some lunch for now and then we can go back to the company? Unless you don’t want to?” The offer wasn’t just to fill the moment but because they hadn’t eaten in hours. 

“This is why I’m dating you.” Dongmin smiled leaning over in the car to give Moonbin a kiss, a quick one since they were still in public. “Let’s go to that place on the avenue and skip the company. I don’t feel like working anymore.” Moonbin nodded and started the car. Dongmin allowed his thoughts to drift away, far back into the past, to the moment he’d first held his baby boy. He often wondered if it weren’t for the accident making him forget for a time if he’d ever have let him go. If he’d ever have given Jinwoo his only son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts appreciated even if it's just telling me I'm moving like a turtle.


	9. Park

Just because Jinwoo had come to terms with his feelings, however quickly they were blooming, didn’t mean things were fine and dandy. A lesson he was learning just as quickly as his feelings were growing. It had only been a week of Myungjun watching Sanha, with only a few minor bumps along the way, and he already wanted to confess. Of course Jimin wasn’t really helping him in this matter as he’d told her everything and she’d only looked at him over facetime like he was slow. He certainly felt slow today as he looked down at Sanha, who was crying.

Blubbering really. But Jinwoo wasn’t going to argue with tears. No matter how much they hurt his heart though they weren’t tears he could solve. Because after a week, came the weekend. And no Myungjun. Really Jinwoo wasn’t sure he didn’t want to join his son in the crying as he got him around for a day of fun. And by fun he really meant going over moves he needed to in his home studio and taking Sanha to the park. He wondered if his son would be crying if he’d said that first instead of reminding him Myungjun would not be there today. 

There wasn't anything he could do about it now though so instead he did what he always did. Tears weren't exactly new after Eunkyung left. "Sanha," He started making sure to keep himself calm and composed. Knowing that how he felt about things was definitely going to affect how his son felt about them. "You've got to stop crying or you'll make Daddy cry." While this phrase didn't always work, with odds of about three in ten uses, it did this time leaving teary brown eyes blinking at him. "Do you want to choose your clothes today?" He led with a question before the tears could start again. 

A little head bobbed with a sniffle and he went to work on getting Sanha dressed, wiping snot and tears from his face as he let him pick out his outfit. "So the yellow one?" He held out the shirt watching his son, sniffling and half naked in the shorts he'd already picked out. Watching his son nod Jinwoo made a mental note that Sanha was getting too tall for the shorts he was wearing. The shirt wouldn't last much longer either. "Come on baby you can't cry all day." He smiled at his son and wasn't surprised by the challenging pout he got in return. 

Pouting he could deal with he decided as he settled Sanha at the table for breakfast. His legs dangled a little too much over the booster seat. Jinwoo knew it was another sign he was going to get his height from his mother. But Jinwoo would make sure he took gracefulness from him so even if Sanha became tall and lanky he'd never be awkward. Or anymore awkward than Jinwoo was himself, a thought he couldn't help entertaining as he thought of how he was as a kid. Shy on all counts when it came to his height that had left him shorter than most. Idly he found himself wondering if Myungjun was the same way, they weren't that far apart in height or age. 

Somehow he doubted it, the preschool worker didn't seem the type. And even if he was then he certainly wasn't now. Instead possibly just a touch too over confident in absolutely everything he did, even if it was wrong. Like the other day when he'd come home for dinner and Myungjun had bragged to Sanha about something trivial. A boast Jinwoo knew better than to believe. But his son had clapped his hands and Jinwoo had left to return to work with a smile that hadn't been there when he'd arrived. Cleaning Sanha up after breakfast, his hands gooey with banana, he felt a pang of loneliness knowing Myungjun wouldn't be there later. 

Just there, sitting on his laptop taking his online teaching courses, ever ready with a blinding smile when Jinwoo came home. It had only been a week of coming home to it but Jinwoo knew, had known from day one he could, and would, love to always come home to it. And Sanha had already told him, more than once, that Myungjun told him better bedtime stories. He'd probably hear it again that night. He tried not to sigh at that thought and forced himself to focus as he led Sanha by the hand through the kitchen and to his studio. He stopped in front of the door and bent down to his son's level to look him in the eye. 

"Do you remember the rules?" Jinwoo kept his voice calm, not scolding and not demanding. But level and authoritative. He didn't have very many rules he made his son follow rigorously, at least not yet at the age of two and quickly approaching three. This one however was important and he wanted, needed it followed. Or he might just have to call Myungjun to watch Sanha after all. As it stood Sanha nodded, a wide excited smile on his face. One that as his father Jinwoo understood, dancing was in his blood. "What's the rule?" He asked just to be sure, 

Sanha looked away from him and at the door, bouncing on his toes for a moment. When he plopped down Jinwoo was met with serious brown eyes. Eyes that didn't look at all like they'd been crying earlier. "No touch mirror." Sanha's nose wrinkled when he said it making Jinwoo smiled. "No touch." He said a little louder, a wider smile saying he was proud of himself. Jinwoo ruffled his hair, he was proud too. 

"Very good." He allowed himself to beam as he opened the door to his studio. It had two walls covered from floor to ceiling in mirrors, a long railing running along the longest side. They were on the far wall and to the left. To ensure the mirrors weren't on a side that might affect them. On the sides opposite of the mirrors the walls were painted a soothing black with small flecks in the paint. When he danced in here late at night, long after Sanha had gone to bed it was like dancing in the stars. Directly to his right was a small desk and play area, that ended just before another door. 

That door led to a hallway that held a bathroom, the one closest to what was intended to be the master bedroom. Spilt only by storage, the bedroom itself was no better than storage right now either. Jinwoo tried not to think about it as he glanced at that door. He’d had a lot more thoughts about the vacant master bedroom since he’d met Myungjun than he’d had since shortly before the divorce. Thoughts he resolutely ignored as he set Sanha up in the small play area he’d made for him and started up the music on the soundsystem. 

He made sure it wasn’t too loud as he made his way to the center of the room. He could still see his son easily enough with all of the mirrors around him. At one point he’d envisioned moments like this, with Eunkyung watching them both. Her smile wide and full of affection, like it had been when they’d first started dating. Then things had changed, she wasn’t the same anymore. She was now him, Dongmin, and Dongmin didn’t want anything to do with him. A fact made abundantly clear by Eunkyung not even telling him of her desire to transition. He let those thoughts go, it was getting easier. 

It used to take hours of dancing to move on from what he’d thought was his future, to accept that it just wasn’t anymore. Now it took minutes, and he hoped that soon he wouldn’t need to dance those thoughts away at all. That maybe instead he could find new thoughts to fill him as he stared back at his son. Unbidden thoughts of Myungjun filled him, the memory of when he’d showed him the studio during the week. The other male had made appropriate oohs and aahs and smiled warmly at a room so close to Jinwoo’s heart. It had made his heart melt. 

Jinwoo felt his heart melting now as he looked back at Sanha in the mirror to see him dancing. He’d started teaching him how to dance a little bit, as much as a two year old could learn at least. Lessons he took up once again as he led his son to the middle of the room. Sanha was still a little excitable and overly energetic but Jinwoo couldn’t help but smile as Sanha moved to the music. His limbs a little wild and his moves infectious. Though Jinwoo did try to teach him a few things as they danced for a few more hours. He’d already covered what he needed to for his own moves at least by the time lunch rolled around. 

“Are you ready for lunch?” Jinwoo asked watching Sanha nod as he stopped the music. His son was smiling at him, his body still moving to its own music. It left him chuckling to himself as he checked his cell phone, he had missed a call from Jimin and a few texts. Mostly it was work related, asking if he could cover a coworkers class on Monday. It was the class that Mei was in, and he found himself with conflicted feelings about it. She’d been coming on strong lately, ever since he’d stopped coming on at all. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with it. Or if there was really anything to do about it. 

He’d already started to head towards the kitchen, Sanha trailing behind him when got a new text. An unexpected text. One that had all thoughts of Mei and what he was going to do about her flying away. It was Myungjun asking how Sanha was doing. It wasn’t exactly the kind of text he wanted, but it was something and Jinwoo felt his heart flutter reading the message again as he set out lunch. He had already replied, a quick sum up of how Sanha was doing, and how sad he was going to be tonight when Myungjun wasn’t there. He refrained from adding how sad he would be himself. 

After lunch was the park, where even though Jinwoo hadn’t told him they’d be there, they ran into Myungjun. And just for a few seconds, as they stared at each other, Jinwoo approaching the ice cream truck and Myungjun already in line, it felt like fate. It felt right, in all the ways nothing had felt right before. It wasn’t like the time he’d accidentally run into Eunkyung in professional settings or among mutual friends. It was a chance encounter that felt real. And Jinwoo was happy to have had as he bought them all ice cream and Myungjun settled onto the bench next to him. Sanha playing in the sand before them, ice cream already gone.

“I didn’t think I’d run into you here.” Myungjun’s voice was low, in a way Jinwoo would have said sounded embarrassed if he thought the other were capable of such an emotion. Having seen him with Sanha, doing the exact same thing as his son or worse, he knew Myungjun wasn’t embarrassed easily. “I was just coming back from Minhyuk’s place, he caught a small bug and won’t be at the daycare until Wednesday.” Jinwoo nodded, he could understand that. He often checked on his cousin and her kids as well. 

A silence descended that wasn’t uncomfortable as Jinwoo contemplated saying how he truly felt, not for the first time. He wondered how Myungjun might take it. If he’d reject him, if he’d accept him. Or a million other reactions in between a simple straightforward one. There was no way to know without acting, but the words caught in his throat when he looked away from Sanha to the older male beside him. Myungjun was smiling, the sun shining in his hair, and his eyes were focused on Sanha. It made Jinwoo’s heart squeeze and memories of Eunkyung surface. Memories that were being overwritten by the man sitting next to him that actually loved his son.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you, but I was kind of hoping I would.” Myungjun’s voice took Jinwoo off guard and so did the look on his face when he turned towards him. Sanha could still be seen out of the corner of his eye but Jinwoo was having trouble focusing on him in the near empty park. It was still early, and after the outing it was nap time. But there was something in Myungjun’s eyes that he couldn’t look away from, that had him leaning forward. And if he wasn’t mistaken the other was leaning forward too. 

Then the moment was broken, as too many moments were with the cry of a child. Not Sanha but another boy a few feet away who had fallen. Even so Jinwoo had whipped his head around to check on his own son and watched as Myungjun had done the same. Relieved as they were when they looked back at each other Jinwoo knew the moment was broken, but not forgotten. Much like the moment in the kitchen when Myungjun had first come over, and countless others in between. He felt his cheeks flush as a conversation filled the new silence. And Jinwoo wondered if he’d missed his chance again. He vowed to himself he wouldn’t miss the next one.


	10. Master bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo finally freaking confesses and Mj is more than a little enthusiastic about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uh upped the rating for a reason. I didn't think there would be any sex, but I'm just the author I'm not actually in control here. That said Jinjin is a little pent up. lol

Monday had come sooner than Jinwoo thought it would. Idly he wondered if it was because after the afternoon in the park Myungjun had just shown up for dinner all weekend. He wasn’t complaining of course, if anything he was a bit over ecstatic in a way that resembled Sanha’s reaction to the whole thing. Though Myungjun hadn’t stayed both nights to put the toddler to bed, he was there almost right up to that point. And if Jinwoo had been braver he might have asked him to stay so they could talk, and maybe take things a step further afterwards. He hadn’t been, and as he stood in front of the daycare this Monday morning he wasn’t sure how to act anymore.

Everything was the same of course from miss Song’s smile and up to the walk to Mr Kim’s room. And it was only when he opened the door, no Minhyuk in sight that it truly hit Jinwoo how used to seeing the kid attached to Myungjun he was. The look on Myungjun’s face told him how Myungjun was accustomed to him being there as well. It had only been a small peek of plump downturned lips just as the door opened but even that had made Jinwoo’s heart squeeze painfully. Though the frown had quickly become a smile, then a blush when their eyes met. And not for the first time Jinwoo felt all his words hole up in his throat.

“Mr Kim!” Sanha’s squeal saved him and for just a moment Jinwoo wondered how his son could be that happy to see someone he saw everyday for the last week. Not that he had any room to speak on the matter, not with the way his heart soared at the instant widening of Myungjun’s smile. Or the way his heart tightened at the thought of seeing this everyday, his son and Myungjun interacting the way they were right now. With the employee, having taken Sanha and whisked him into his arms. Both of their smiles beaming at him as he moved towards sign in book.

Behind him as he signed Sanha in, Jinwoo could hear the two chattering away. About what they would have for dinner without him, he almost wanted to say he could make it home for dinner. He knew he couldn’t though as he’d been worn down into taking his colleagues class after all. It wouldn’t make him late coming home, but it wouldn’t allow him to sneak away for dinner either. There more parents coming in by the time he finally got the courage to turn around. A little girl he’d seen but whose name he didn’t know was sidling up to Myungjun and his son. 

He snuck past her and into Mynungjun’s personal space, giving Sanha a kiss on the forehead telling him to be good. The whole time he did so Jinwoo was entirely conscious of how close Myungjun’s lips were. And when their eyes met over Sanha’s forehead he felt his cheeks flush, but the words he wanted to say came out anyway. “I’ll see you at home.” Myungjun’s eyes went wide and Jinwoo winked at him, a lot more confident than he truly felt. “Both of you.” He added before turning away and sped walked out of the room. He wasn’t sure what had come over him.

Sanha’s giggle followed him out the door and Jinwoo found himself smiling. He’d seen the way Myungjun’s cheeks had flushed and it felt like a victory of sorts. Though he knew there was a lot more he needed to say, needed to tell Myungjun it felt like he’d taken the first step. Well, maybe the first real step towards where he wanted to be. He just wished he could want to be at work as much as he wanted to come home to Myungjun and Sanha already. But he forced himself to focus, drawing his thoughts away from anything but dancing as he pulled into his parking space. 

Regrettably it only took him two classes, and one mishap to realize that, that peaceful moment of focus in his vehicle was probably the only one he’d have. It had been in his third class a student almost twisting her ankle while not paying any attention to her surroundings and texting despite his several warnings. Things had only gotten worse. From Mei, flirting with him the whole time he subbed her class and no way to call her on it, which was awkward, to a girl fainting in his last class. Forcing him to text Myungjun he would be late and with no time to explain. 

She had collapsed in his arms as he was running her through the steps she’d need to take with her fellow dancer, who was watching from the sidelines. They already had their part down. And the girl Jinwoo was working with he’d been concerned about for awhile. She was a high schooler, and he wasn’t sure she was eating the way she should be. A point that was proven when she fainted dead away mid turn. Her head falling against his chest, thankfully, and to his relief it wasn’t very serious this time. In the process she’d ruined his shirt with lipstick, but he was more thankful she was alright. 

It was two hours later than normal when came home. A little more disheveled than he’d liked, though he’d tried to fix at least his hair, which he’d been running his fingers through all day in stress. His shirt was still ruined, a clear lip print by his opened buttons, a stark red against the white. There was also a small tear along the shoulder from her hands trying to hold on before she’d fainted. He’d expected Myungjun to be ready to leave and packed up by the time he walked through the door, with Sanah long put to sleep. 

“You’re pretty late.” Myungjun’s voice had sounded from Sanha’s room, the door closing behind him leaving them in the soft lighting from the living room that traveled up the hallway. Making it nearly dark. If Jinwoo didn’t know any better he’d say that Myungjun looked concerned. His expression was hard to make out though as the elder closed the distance between them, his eyes taking in Jinwoo’s appearance, at least that’s how it felt when the taller stopped right in front of him. Merely inches apart. 

“Things were a little crazy today.” Jinwoo answered feeling a tense air between them when Myungjun stopped. All he could think of doing was reaching out, taking Myungjun in his arms, and disappearing there as long as the other would let him. He was exhausted. But not too exhausted to notice the way brown eyes widened in double take at the lip print on his shirt, the snap back to distance, even though there still wasn’t any between them. And he realized that he still hadn’t told Myungjun what happened. Hadn’t had a chance as his phone died on the way to the hospital. 

He watched though as Myungjun’s expression shifted, tightened and a door closed on him that was starting to open. “I should get going then.” Myungjun’s voice was small, smaller than Jinwoo had ever heard it and it broke something inside him. He knew what Myungjun was thinking, that he’d been late because he’d been with a woman and hadn’t wanted to say so. Hadn’t wanted to cross the line they’d been toeing. That maybe he’d misread. Jinwoo felt his throat close up and all caution fall to the winds.

With a movement as graceful and sudden as any dancer’s Jinwoo reached out to Myungjun grabbing his wrist. His heart beat a million steady beats in the space of the second it took for Myungjun to turn back to him, his eyes teary. “Stay, please stay.” Even to himself, his voice sounded vulnerable, raw and it reflected in Myungjun’s surprised face. His eyes darting down to the lip print, so conveniently wrong in its placing. There was a question in brown eyes that Jinwoo wasn’t sure how to answer. Wasn’t sure he could summon the words for. 

On instinct he pushed the taller male up against the hallway wall, his hands gentle and his eyes intense. “I want you to stay.” He swallowed at the conflicted look in Myungjun’s eyes. He knew what he needed to say, what he felt, but the words caught in his throat. The last person he’d said them to coming to mind when he least wanted her to. Her face in that last moment of them together, when she told him how she didn’t want him anymore. His lips were on Myungjun’s before he’d thought to put them there. His body pressing against the softer one in front of his own. 

It was half a heart beat before Jinwoo’s brain caught up to the desperate way that Myungjun was kissing him back. The feel of hands in his shirt, pushing him closer but also pulling him away. An indecision, one that Jinwoo wanted to console. But all he could bring his body to do was kiss back more passionately. His tongue melting into a warm mouth, his knee pressing between unexpectedly thick thighs, and his hands curling into soft hair. There was a small mewling noise between them as they lost themselves to the moment. 

Air was a restriction that Jinwoo didn’t want to obey, but he pulled back for it anyway. His eyes opening, questioning in the small space he left between himself and the babysitter, his son’s caretaker, and for a moment he wondered if he’d fucked up. Two panting breaths were all he got before Myungjun was pulling him back in, his lips hungry and needy. A fire building between them that Jinwoo didn’t want to put out. But he knew, he was sure that somewhere in his lust hazed brain Myungjun knew too, that words were needed. 

Words were a big scary wall between them, one that Jinwoo didn’t want to tackle so much as he wanted to pin Myungjun to his bed. Still, he pulled back, with much effort. His breaths mere pants of recycled oxygen from Myungjun’s mouth. They were still so close, too close. He pulled further back, watching the way Myungjun’s eyes cooled, a moment of clarity in a moment of passion. A feeling worth waiting for rose in Jinwoo’s chest looking at swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and bedroom eyes. “I want to do this right Myungjun.”

His voice was deep, breathy, and very kiss stolen. It was a voice Jinwoo hadn’t heard from himself in longer than he cared to remember. It was shaky as he went on uninterrupted, minus the way a warm hand slid under his shirt at his hemline. It made his spine shiver. And told him that Myungjun had most definitely been picking up what he hadn’t intended to broadcast about his desires. “I don’t want to just have sex and you disappear.” Jinwoo noted the pain, the vulnerability in his voice again. The hurt that Eunkyung had left him with still there. “I want…”

Myungjun had stopped him now with a finger to his lips, a serious look in his eyes. “I know what you want Jinwoo or I wouldn’t be here watching Sanha. I can’t say when I fell in love with you, and with him but I did. And I want what you want.” Jinwoo could feel the tears in his eyes as Myungjun went on his voice husky and attractive but also so full of emotion. “I want to date you. I want to make a family of three with you.” Jinwoo watched the taller’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, all the words Jinwoo wanted to say coming from his mouth. “Won’t you date me?”

“Yes.” Jinwoo smiled, truly smiled from the bottom of his heart for the first time since he’d lost Eunkyung. “Fuck yes.” He found himself whispering against plump kiss swollen lips, his hands drifting down from Myungjun’s hair to his hips. Leaving a trail of his feather light touch along the other’s skin that grew needier the lower he went. Whatever the other had said was lost to him as the words were immediately followed by teeth against his neck. And just as suddenly as he’d begun he was picking the taller male up. Easy enough to do with all his dancing. 

“Where are you taking me?” Myungjun’s voice was half giggle in Jinwoo’s ear, his hands wandering down over covered shoulder blades. The question wasn’t repeated as they walked through the living room and headed to the only room Jinwoo hadn’t used. Of course he’d told Myungjun about it, and how he kept it clean, ready, and prepared. For who he wasn’t sure, at least that’s what he’d told Myungjun about the master bedroom. But he’d only started cleaning it and getting it ready after meeting Myungjun. Too many of his fantasies wrapped up around the older male. 

Still, Jinwoo did answer as they walked past the couch his voice slow and meaningful. Just as meaningful as the squeeze he gave Myungjun’s ass. “The master bedroom.” He felt a shudder down the taller’s spine, he could also feel the stirrings of his cock against his stomach. His own was already hard, aching, and had been when he realized how good a kisser that Myungjun was, which meant he was probably just as talented with other uses for his mouth. Though he wasn’t going to ask about that. Not tonight.

Instead when Jinwoo opened the door he laid Myungjun out on the bed. His eyes scanning over him and the tightness of his pants. “I can’t promise I’ll be gentle.” Jinwoo swallowed thickly as he unbuttoned his shirt, standing over the bed, he could feel Myungjun’s brown eyes scanning every inch of skin that was revealed. He wasn’t sure who was topping, he didn’t really care at this point but he was going to give Myungjun the chance to decide. A lick of plump lips was his only answer as Jinwoo pulled out the lube and condoms. They were newer.

It wasn’t until he was stripping Myungjun of his shirt, his hands, lips, and eyes roving over the expanse of smooth soft skin that he got an answer. “I didn’t ask for gentle Jinwoo, I just asked for you.” The words made Jinwoo shiver but he didn’t hurry his actions. Slipping his fingers over warm flesh and stirpping away clothing as he went, until only his boxers remained. And the nerves, it had been ages, long before Eunkyung since he’d been with a man. He’d never even told his ex-wife that he’d been with any. 

Yet the moment he took Myungjun’s cock into his mouth, tasting and sucking he knew why he’d enjoyed it. It wasn’t just the moans from Myungjun’s lips that drove him forward, it was the musk, the feel, and knowing what he was doing to him. He tried to be gentle with his first finger, his teeth scraping over the veiny meat of Myungjun’s cock. He could hear the hiss of not quite pleasure from it but he couldn’t stop. His fingers working quickly against the tightness he’d expected to encounter. Deftly.

While all the while he let his free hand roam over a warm chest, pinching nipples, and caressing sensitive spots he’d found in his exploration. Until Myungjun’s fingers were buried in his hair, begging him for his cock. Begging for release, as his tongue worked over a swollen crown, teasing the silt as he sucked. He could feel his own cock weeping against the clothing he’d kept it trapped in. It wasn’t until Myungjun was crying out his name that Jinwoo finally gave in. The lack of a body pressed against his making him cold as he stood up.

The sight was well worth it. Myungjun’s face was contorted from the same shock of cold. His cock was weeping precum, standing at attention, while his legs were spread and an excess of lube was leaking from him in a way that made Jinwoo feral. It was with practiced ease he shed his boxers and rolled on a condom. A smooth motion in which he gathered Myungjun up and slid into him all at once. Drawing a loud moan from both of them that echoed around the until now disused room. Then he was moving, full thrusts into the ass in front of him.

Jinwoo found himself letting go as he thrust over and over into the spot that made Myungjun cry out. His moans followed by small tear streaks down his cheeks, begging, and claws down his back. It was the sexiest thing Jinwoo had seen in so long. “Fuck Myungjun you’re so,” He leaned down, forcing the legs in his way up and a deeper angle. “sexy.” He finished with a powerful thrust that had the other cumming all too soon. Still, he thrust again and again until he was cumming too. Rolling over to pant on the bed and recover he smiled. 

“That was good.” Jinwoo knew his words didn’t really convey how he felt, because what he wanted to say was ‘fucking fantastic’ but he was nervous again. Nervous that Myungjun wouldn’t agree with him. That maybe after this one time he’d change his mind. After all it had been ages since Jinwoo had been with a man. And for the majority of that time he’d actually been the one being fucked. Though he didn’t mind being on either end, it was a discussion for when they weren’t both so emotionally charged. 

Myungjun had rolled over to him, cuddling up to his chest, nuzzling him in a way that Jinwoo instantly found endearing. “Good, yeah more like great.” Myungjun was smiling in a way that carried in his voice. And for a moment they were both still, their breathing evening out. “I really do love you Jinwoo.” The words were soft, and they made Jinwoo’s breath catch as they were followed by Myungjun climbing into his lap straddling him. “Really, I didn’t mean to.” Soft lips were on his and Jinwoo found his hands catching thick thighs and steadying the other. 

“I don’t think anyone means to fall in love Myungjun, but,” Jinwoo kissed him softly, his hands helping guide unsteady hips to his cock, hard and ready long before they reached it. “I don’t regret doing it with you.” He smiled and swallowed back the groan as he felt the heat of Myungjun’s body engulf him once more. No condom, just their bodies as they moved languidly together against the bed. His eyes glued to Myungjun’s, watching the breathtaking sight of his body bouncing on his. He couldn’t help the way his hands dug into thighs he wanted to worship, or the way he thrust back harder than the body coming down. 

The moment didn’t last. It couldn’t last with how pent up Jinwoo knew he was. His release was a few quick thrusts followed by a series of groans that echoed around the room. Before Myungjun was collapsing on top of him in a way Jinwoo knew he’d never get over. And for a moment he just held the man he’d unintentionally come to cherish. In that moment he promised to love Myungjun for all of who he was, is, and would be. As well as himself as he reveled in their lips meeting in languid kisses before they finally got up, cleaned up, and found the safe haven of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are probably 5-7 chapters left. Probably. Don't quote me on this.


	11. A normal day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an average after dinner conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly we're approaching the scene that inspired me to write this fic.
> 
> And sorry I was so late. I actually went to the MX concert a few days ago. If you don't stan you should <3

Somehow without much notice Jinwoo had found the time passing, faster and more joyfully than he’d thought possible in a long time. The memories of the last two weeks put a smile on his face as he marked another day off the calendar. Behind him Myungjun was cleaning up the remains of dinner. A chore he’d volunteered for while Jinwoo put Sanha to bed. An easy task considering how tired his son was from their earlier outing to the aquarium.

“He went to bed without a fuss?” Myungjun was asking when he finally put the dry erase marker back in its holder. He’d added one more note to the calendar before doing so, an adjustment to the day count in the lower right hand corner. From fourteen days to fifteen. It marked how long he and Myungjun had been dating. When he’d first put it there he’d been nervous and fluttery with the hope the counter never stopped. Now he felt content in knowing it was moving forward. That they were moving forward.

“He was tired.” Jinwoo answered with a sigh, he was actually pretty sure Sanha was on the verge of another growth spurt too. He just didn’t want to speak it into existence. “Aren’t you tired too? You worked today.” He frowned scanning over his boyfriend as he stepped away from the fridge and began to help clean up as well. Taking the plates from Myungjun and stacking them inside the sink. Behind him he could hear Myungjun putting the tupperware into the fridge. 

“Not that tired.” Myungjun whispered into his ear and Jinwoo fought down the flush that crawled up his neck. But before he could do or say anything in response Myungjun was beside at the sink starting to run the water for dishes. “Did you forget we got a new employee? She’s a bit…” Jinwoo quirked an eyebrow at the way his boyfriend trailed off with a frown. But he handed him the dishes anyway, their fingers brushing in the exchange. “She’s not bad, but she’s not very good at remembering policy.”

Jinwoo frowned harder at that but was unable to take his eyes off the way Myungjun’s hands moved through the water. “Isn’t that a bad thing then? I mean policy is what keeps a daycare running in some ways right?” He wasn’t really sure, he didn’t work at a daycare but he wasn’t entirely comfortable knowing the woman watching his son didn’t know policy. Policies were in place for protection after all. Policies told workers what was and wasn’t allowed. And he didn’t want Sanha being mistreated or anything.

Myungjun chuckled while handing Jinwoo a clean plate to dry off. A pattern of habit they’d developed before they’d started dating, so that they could talk in the short while Jinwoo had before returning to work. Now it was just a comfortable routine between them. But the chuckle sent a shiver down Jinwoo’s spine that had nothing to do with comfortable routine. “It’s not a bad thing yet. She hasn’t been with us very long. And she hasn’t broken a policy. She just struggles to remember them. We give oral tests.”

Jinwoo did flush this time at the heated look that Myungjun gave him when he said oral. He could feel the way his pants tightened just a fraction but he ignored it. He didn’t actually believe Myungjun about not being tired to begin with. After all he’d caught the elder yawning when he came back into the kitchen. “I suppose that’s not too bad then.” He smiled taking another plate and for a moment there was a comfortable silence as they washed the rest of the dishes. “How are your classes going?”

There was a tension in Myungjun’s shoulders that didn’t quite tighten at the question. But Jinwoo knew it was currently a sour subject. Not for anything that Jinwoo had done but because the school was trying to play fast and loose with Myungjun’s credits. As he did a lot of his school work online and as he was about to enroll for classroom work, the school was trying to say those online credits didn’t count. It was ridiculous and they both knew it. “I got some of it settled. I might have to retake a class.”

“That’s not very fair.” Jinwoo watched Myungjun drain the sink and frowned at the defeated feel around him. “I…” He hesitated not sure how Myungjun would feel about what he’d done, but he’d already done it anyway. “I talked to Jimin today, and I asked her if her brother-in-law does anything for cases like this.” He paused, glancing at the taller’s face before he continued, there hadn’t been much to go off there. “She said that he does.” There was now a tension in the air and not between Myungjun’s shoulders that made Jinwoo worry.

The tension broke with a sigh, a small one and Jinwoo watched nervously as Myungjun turned to look at him. His face was resigned and a bit tired. “I really didn’t want to think it would have to go that far. But you might be right.” A smile that could split the skies followed his words and for a single moment Jinwoo knew he would do anything to keep it there. “Thank you for looking into it. I’ll try talking to the school again, letting them know I’m willing seek legal aid. If that doesn’t move them I’ll talk to the lawyer.” Myungjun yawned and it was immediately followed by the taller working his way into Jinwoo’s arms.

“I knew you were tired.” Jinwoo chuckled wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, who sometimes he felt was more childish than his two year old. “Let’s put the dishes away and go to bed. You are staying tonight right?” He didn’t want to tense at the question, didn’t want to ask the question really. They’d only been dating a short while and he didn’t want to be clingy. He didn’t want to scare him off. He’d had enough with people leaving telling him it was his fault with Eunkyung. The answer was a short nod into his shoulder, where his boyfriend had buried his head. He felt a soft kiss on his neck that made him smile.

Kissing the top of Myungjun’s head Jinwoo pulled back to actually look at him. He preferred a verbal answer. “I’m staying.” The answer was followed by a small peck to Jinwoo’s nose. “But don’t forget I won’t be able to stay next weekend. I have to go see my family.” There was an unasked question there that Jinwoo could see lurking in his eyes but neither of them addressed it. They both knew it was too soon. Still, when Jinwoo moved up on his toes to align their noses, their lips next falling together perfectly it didn’t feel too soon. Memories flooded back to him in that moment of how it hadn’t felt too soon with Eunkyung either. 

Pulling away first Jinwoo smiled, he knew it was a hurt smile from the way that Myungjun squeezed him. They’d talked about it, about the memories that popped up sometimes. About the hurt that Eunkyung had left him with that he was still working through. And to Jinwoo’s surprise Myungjun was understanding, loving, and completely fine with taking it slower than they’d initially started out dating. Though he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised, Myungjun had told him then and often since that he wanted a family with Jinwoo. That thought warmed him as he followed his boyfriend to the master bedroom.

He’d cleaned it out completely and started using it with Myungjun on the nights he stayed, and the nights he didn’t. So that Sanha wouldn’t become confused later. At first it had worried him that his son was so far away in their own apartment. It hadn’t proved to be a problem yet, as even with the distance Sanha had snuck into their shared bed several times already. Still, it had been an adjustment but one he much appreciated as he wrapped himself around Myungjun’s taller body. Their legs tangling under the sheets, and their breaths mingling as they kissed goodnight. It definitely wasn’t where he’d expected to be, but he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't let the ending fool you. This chapter didn't exist in the original plans so that's also part of why it took so long. But I had to put important info in here.


	12. First Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100 days of love must be celebrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have struggled so much with this chapter, because I want to skip it and write the next one. But this one is also important! Sometimes it's just difficult to write.

With a sigh Jinwoo quietly removed himself from bed, untangling his limbs from Myungjun's vice like hold on them. In response his boyfriend tried pulling him back with sleepy mumbling, in a way it reminded him of Sanha and whichever toy he'd slept with. Which made him smile as he whispered. "Go back to bed, babe. I'm just taking Sanha to daycare." He wasn't sure his boyfriend understood him entirely as he mumbled something else, and Jinwoo still found himself in a strong grip. Until he leaned over and whispered. "Babe, I can't drop Sanha off if you don't let go. And then we won't have the morning to ourselves."

Myungjun had mumbled something else before sulkily pulling away and bunching himself up in the blankets. It was an image Jinwoo engraved in his mind when he looked back over his shoulder after getting dressed. It wasn't an unusual sight these days, with Myungjun staying over more and more in the one hundred days they'd been together. But as today was officially their one hundredth day, it especially made his heart squeeze. After Eunkyung he hadn't been sure he'd have this again, that he could truly feel this way again. In many ways seeing Myungjun, wrapped up in blankets, bare faced and naked underneath, was a gift. 

The engraved image of Myungjun got him through getting Sanha around, who was more than a little bit cranky this morning. Resisting waking up and making a small fuss, though he wasn't sure he quite blamed him. Since just last night he'd told him that he'd be going to daycare today. And not staying home like he and Myungjun, though they would pick him up for lunch. It hadn't gone over well, still wasn't going over well as Sanha whined about not wanting to go to daycare today all through getting dressed. A struggle that lasted through a quick breakfast and followed as Jinwoo rushed them out the door to the music of Sanha's whining. "Why I not stay home?"

"You can't stay home because Myungjun and I are busy at home today." Jinwoo answered even as he strapped Sanha into the car. Watching his pout morph into a fuss. "We'll come get you at lunch. Until then you can play with Minhyuk." He added kissing his son's forehead noting the mention of Minhyuk calmed him down. It usually did when Sanha was being fussy about going to the daycare when Jinwoo normally wouldn't take him. Such as last Saturday when Jinwoo had to leave town for a short notice job. It had paid handsomely enough to take though and he'd been lucky the daycare was open. 

Which wasn't all that often on Saturdays in general, but since summer wasn't quite ended he supposed they were thinking of the parents. Still, he'd found it to be something of a mental adjustment in realizing he could take Sanha to the daycare when he needed to. Not just because he was at work. Though he'd still rarely done it, and never before when Myungjun wasn't working. But today was a special day and as a couple they'd made the decision. The new employee was doing well after all. Still Jinwoo was nervous as he entered the daycare knowing Myungjun wasn't there. Somehow it didn't feel whole. 

Still, the daycare was reassuring in its own way with its bright colors and sunlit appearance. It looked the same as the first time. Give or take a few additions to the holiday decorations starting to make their way onto the walls. It was still friendly and brightly lit, and most of all familiar. As were the staff, Song was there greeting parents, a knowing smile playing in her eyes as she motioned him towards the usual door. The daycare staff all knew he was 'seeing' Myungjun. Though it was to varying degrees, he wasn't sure but he felt like Song was one of the ones in the know. He smiled at her as he passed, watching her greet more parents. 

Entering the familiar room to see someone not Myungjun made something his his heart ache. But not quite in the same way as remembering that his boyfriend was laying in bed, waiting for him back home. The new employee, though he supposed she wasn't that new anymore, smiled at him. Her nametag glittering at him in the sunlight reading Ida with a few teddy bear stickers to one side. In his opinion it didn't suit her, but what mattered was Sanha liked her well enough. His son gave her a lackluster greeting this morning but she wasn't offended turning back to the other children. Big, wide eyes stared up at him from his arms. 

"You'll be back?" He nodded silently at his son's question, his heart squeezing with how proud he was of him for his intelligence. And at the idea of leaving him. A bit like the first time he'd dropped him off here. "Love you." He smiled widely at that layering kisses on his son's cheeks until he giggled loudly and demanded to be put down. Which of course he complied with watching his toddler toddle over to Minhyuk and start playing. It put him at ease as he signed the log book and waved goodbye. The only one to wave back was Ida, who smiled prettily at him. He got the feeling she knew too.

The drive home was much quieter than the drive to the daycare had been. And in it Jinwoo found his thoughts drifting through memories even as he paid ample attention to the road. A lot had changed even in roughly the mouths. Still, there were some memories he wondered if he would be better off forgetting. But he shoved those aside as he parked and made his way up to his apartment, filling his mind with the image of Myungjun earlier in the morning. He was more than a little ready to rejoin him under the covers as they'd already stayed up late last night. 

Unexpectedly when be walked in the apartment was full of the scent of pancakes. And he knew without question that he'd find Myungjun in the kitchen, even though he'd said he'd make breakfast when he got back. A fact he reminded his boyfriend of as he came down the hallway, throwing the words out before him. "I thought I was making breakfast?" And while he'd tried to sound chastising they echoed back at him resigned and a touch playful. Which probably explained the laughter that met his ears as he rounded the hallway corner. 

The sight in the kitchen took his breath away instantly. Not just because there was a plate with a stack of pancakes entirely too large, but because Myungjun was wearing nothing but an apron. The new one Jinwoo had bought that had four small blank lines for letters and ‘the cook’ in Enlgish. He hadn’t expected Myungjun to wear it like this, but he wasn’t upset by it. “I couldn’t get back to sleep once you left.” Myungjun’s voice drew him from his stupor, as well as his eyes when his boyfriend turned to look at him. They were dark, and hungry in a way that they both knew pancakes weren’t going to fill.

Jinwoo didn’t remember crossing the distance between them, his lips landing on plump ones that he’d never tire of kissing. All he knew was that one moment he was on the other side of the kitchen then he was pulling Myungjun into his arms. “Sorry, I hadn’t meant to wake you.” A giggle was his answer and he was grateful that Myungjun was at the counter not the stove as he pressed him against it. “You still could have waited though.” He pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s neck feeling the pulse under his tongue. 

“I didn’t want to.” Jinwoo only rolled his eyes at the response and found himself shivering under knowledgeable hands against his back. “I didn’t think it would get made if I waited until you got back.” It wasn’t a statement he could contest as he ran his hands greedily along the exposed expanse of skin along his boyfriend’s side. Back to his ass, squeezing it roughly as he pulled the taller closer. Myungjun let out a low moan in his throat. And really Jinwoo knew there were no more words to be said between them as he lifted Myungjun up on the counter, their lips locking yet again. 

In the back of his mind he felt guilty knowing this was the kitchen and they ate in here. Still, Jinwoo pressed forward leaving the apron in place between them as he peppered Myungjun’s neck with kisses. He could feel deft hands relieving him of his shirt and the press of a hard cock against his stomach. His own was starting to throb against the pants he’d thrown on earlier in the morning. But he ignored it as he began kneading the perfect ass on the counter. “Myungjun.” It was the only word spoken in minutes by either of them. Breathless and needy, caught between them as a whisper.

Then Jinwoo was pulling back, staring at hungry eyes as he shed himself of the only clothing he had left. Plunging back into the moment with fever, pulling Myungjun’s ass to the edge of the counter and diving in. The sensation dragging them both down and under as he thrust upward and forward. Myungjun practically sinking into his shoulders with low moans and panting breath filling the space. The only sounds in the apartment the slap of flesh against flesh dampened only by the apron still trapped between them. Then it was over, a tightness of breath followed by an exhale into the silence that had enveloped them. 

“Fuck Jinwoo.” Jinwoo nodded his agreement as he held Myungjun close, his body still on the counter and the moment cooling between them. “If I wasn’t still spent from last night.” The words were soft and Jinwoo smiled at them as he lowered his boyfriend to the ground tenderly. “I’m going to take a shower.” Jinwoo only nodded kissing Myungjun’s forehead before going about the arduous task of clean up and putting his clothes back on. As a glance at the clock told him there wasn’t time for anything else before the movie he’d bought them tickets for. 

By the time Jinwoo took his first bite of pancake it was cold but he didn’t complain. Watching Myungjun’s face screw up at the taste was almost worth it. He wanted to say ‘you should have waited’ but he didn’t. Instead he filled the table with small talk and his predictions for the movie they were going to see. In the back of his mind that wasn’t dedicated to the moment he worried over Sanha and how he was doing with Ida. His thoughts drifting there from breakfast to lunchtime, unvoiced but there niggling in the back of his mind. 

He couldn’t quite relax until he’d picked up his son from daycare. Ida smiling to them both as he and Myungjun entered together. It was an odd moment coming to Myungjun’s place of work like that. Though Jinwoo found himself blushing more than Myungjun did. Then it was lunch, and the park with Sanha. And something inside him relaxed as he enjoyed the time with his family. Well, what was becoming his family. It brought a smile to his face as he watched his boyfriend pushing Sanha on the swings. 

A smile that broke when he noticed a man with a camera in the background. A man he’d seen earlier at the movies. And while he wouldn’t have thought much of it, the guy appeared to be taking photos of the woman and child he’d come with, it was odd. He didn’t normally see someone like that twice in one day. When he brought it up to Myungjun that night, with Sanha safely tucked in bed his boyfriend told him that he might be paranoid. Or that he might not. But there was no way to know unless they saw him again. That night he slept uneasily to promises of being on the lookout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're still reading even though I've become slow. 😅 I have struggled so be nice to me.


	13. Photographs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongmin returns to the detective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went sooo much smoother than last chapter!!! Also fair warning I wrote this on my phone. Just point out mistakes. I'll get to them.

Dongmin frowned as he looked around the office, it had been bare the last time he'd been here. Now it was decorated, truly it didn't look much different. But he wasn't here for the decorations, he was here because of a phone call. 'This is Jung I've found them, come to the office.' That was the message detective Jung had left on his voicemail with no more information. Honestly he'd been expecting the call sooner, but some odd months had already passed since he'd asked the detective to find out the whereabouts of his ex husband and his only son. 

Moonbin was beside him, a steady force in his life since they're met. And his boyfriend's gentle hand on his knee might be all that was keeping Dongmin sane. As even though they'd arrived twenty minutes ago and been seated the detective hadn't appeared. Only his secretary, a mousy woman who was a bit more than a little forgettable. A trait he'd been expecting to see in the detective and hadn't. The nervous tapping of his foot and his loudly beating heart were the only noise filling the room as they waited. Outside it he could hear the secretary shuffling through files. He couldn't find the words to fill the gaps.

When the door finally opened a full thirty minutes later Dongmin had to force himself not to jump from how he'd built himself up. Neither Moonbin or the detective commented on it anyway. Instead they all stood shaking hands and exchanging greetings. Manners. What Dongmin wanted to do was get down to business. Instead he watched detective Jung settle into the tense atmosphere for another minute. In which he noticed the skinny man had changed from bright colors to dull colors that blended in well among crowds. He was situating a file on his desk. 

It felt like ages had passed when the detective finally spoke. "Park Jinwoo was located in," Dongmin listened to the details his eyebrows lifting as he realized where Jinwoo was staying. Knowing exactly which friend had to be helping him and surprised that he'd not heard about it. Though he was no longer friends with them himself after the divorce, he normally heard news of them anyway. "It appears he leased the apartment under the alias Jinjin, and since he's friends with the building owner never changed it. And according to my sources his cousin lives nearby." 

The name made Dongmin blush, it was a nickname he'd given his ex husband not long after they'd gotten together. For a second he felt guilty, unsure. A feeling that floated away with Moonbin's fingers squeezing his thigh. He had the life he wanted now, though he did still feel a bit bad for forgetting Jimin. But he didn't interrupt as detective Jung started pulling photographs out of the file and placing them on the desk. A few photos of Jinwoo's cousin graced the desk followed by a few of Jinwoo, Jinwoo and Sanha, and finally Jinwoo with an unknown man. 

It was one of these Dongmin picked up first, his heart twisting as he recognized the emotion in them. He didn't understand. And though the detective was still talking with Moonbin answering him in a quiet voice, Dongmin was no longer there. He was swept away by decisions he'd made and new information. Picking up a photo of Jinwoo, Sanha, and the unknown man he felt his protective instincts rise. They were at the park with Sanha in a baby swing between them, their hands clasped on the chains on either side. But they weren't looking at Sanha, who was smiling and giggling. 

"Who is the man?" Moonbin's voice broke Dongmin of the moment, his heart squeezing around conflicted emotions. A need building within him the longer he stared at the pictures of his son. "How long have you been tailing them?" Not for the first time, and most certainly not for the last time Dongmin thought he didn't deserve his boyfriend. Who was asking what he wanted, needed to know while he was caught on emotions. On could have beens that didn't involve him. "Did they catch on?"

"It took a while to find him. I only staked them out a few days, so I don't think they're any the wiser. But as to the man I believe he works at Sunshine Daycare." Detective Jung pulled out more photos, this time of a child care center where Jinwoo was obviously dropping Sanha off. Dongmin noted in some of the photos Jinwoo and the unknown man were leaving together with his son. Their faces just as fond as in the first photos. "I didn't get his name, but I can find out, for an additional fee." A customer service smile followed the words. 

Dongmin blinked snapping out of it, looking back at the photographs in his hands. "No, that won't be necessary. We'll just take what we paid for and be on our way." He smiled politely and nodded to Moonbin who was getting up to go in one fluid motion, a green folder in his hands. "Thank you." They shook hands over the clipped words, all of them knowing the detective's services would no longer be needed. And when they left, the secretary wished them a good day Dongmin for one was glad they wouldn't be back. 

"What do you want to do? If it's legal, I'm willing to do it." Moonbin's voice was cheerful, and encouraging as they got into the car. It felt almost like it was too much as Dongmin settled into the passenger's side this time. The folder was in his lap and the decisions in his hands as they took off, the tension easing the further away they got. "Dongmin it's okay to be upset, I understand." A soft squeeze to his thigh was all Dongmin needed to open the floodgate on his emotions, on his memories many of which were damaged or only recently recovered. 

"Jinwoo aside," He started the look on his ex husband's face as he looked at another man haunting him, as he spoke. "I am happy with my life. I chose this Moonbin, I chose you." He smiled weakly as he settled his hand over one the wasn't much smaller than his, he'd always had large hands as a woman. Now they were perfect, and fit perfectly with Moonbin's between them at the red light. "I love you." He didn't dare risk a kiss at an intersection but he squeezed the hand in his before he said what he truly wanted. What he'd been wanting. "But I want to see my son." 

Dongmin watched Moonbin nod silently for a few seconds as he pulled out into traffic at the green light. "I love you too, and I'm sure Sanha wants to see you. And like I've always told you I'd be happy to have him in our lives if you want him to be. I love you Dongmin, and that means I'm willing to go the distance to make you, to make us happy." A cheesy smile followed, but Dongmin knew he was serious, had always been serious. It was part of why he'd fallen for him, even when he'd not meant to. "I mean I might ask you overlook my recent indulgences then."

Smiling Dongmin recalled the very expensive foods that Moonbin had bought, blowing their entire budget for the month. It hadn't been on purpose of course, just a lot of desires and a little less math. Nothing too unmanageable with how overly packed their upcoming schedules happened to be. "Deal." He giggled, running a hand over a broad shoulder and risking a kiss anyway. He truly, truly loved this man. And even if he was confused inside by what he'd discovered this wasn't going to change. Neither would his reawakened desire to see his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	14. Two Hundred Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is coming, what better excuse for a kidnapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I can not stress this enough, this includes kidnapping. It is tagged and we are here. There will be more next chapter. Please also keep in mind Eunwoo is not a bad person, he's a human. And struggling. If you're triggered the chapter after next should be clear.

One hundred days had seemed fast to Jinwoo, but as he marked the correct day count onto the calendar of two hundred days it felt different. Not fast, not slow, just right. It was an odd feeling as he smiled at Myungjun, who was sitting at the table writing a list of people. Jinwoo's was already written on the paper and in his case a name had been marked off. But there were still plenty of people left on it and as he put the maker back, the month staring him in the face, he knew he needed to get on it. Christmas was just around the corner. 

Though he knew that here in South Korea the tradition was more religious for the holiday, that's not how his family was. With many of his relatives married to, or currently seeing Americans they'd adopted the American commercialism of it. Had done so for years, and that meant on Christmas they'd be exchanging gifts and holiday cheer with his family. Last year, without Eunkyung he'd quite appreciated their way of doing things. And this year, because he wanted to Myungjun was coming with him. 

Which was why for their anniversary date Myungjun and him decided, with Sanha at the daycare anyway, they might as well spend it shopping. Granted they'd still pick Sanha up for lunch and bring him home after. Like they had on their last anniversary, because as Myungjun kept saying he wasn't just with Jinwoo. He was with Sanha as his, well they hadn't really decided on what to call him yet. And at only two hundred days Jinwoo wasn't sure what he wanted Sanha to call him. What Myungjun would prefer, as he was too afraid to ask yet. 

Still, Sanha had taken to saying Daddy lately when referring to Myungjun and neither had the heart to stop him. Not with how cute and innocent it was. Though in those moments Jinwoo had looked to his boyfriend to apologize, knowing that wasn't a discussion they'd had or were ready for yet. And Jinwoo was still too afraid to push it and ask out right even in the face of Myungjun's constant reminders that he wanted to be a family with them. Because maybe, just maybe the future was as cruel as his ex-wife. But in those moments his boyfriend smiled, responded to Sanha and let it slide into the unspokenly accepted, for now. 

It was in moments like those Jinwoo wasn't sure he could be any more in love with Myungjun as he was then. Really there were several moments like that spattered throughout their two hundred days. Including right now as Myungjun turned to look at him with a smile. The list dangling from his fingers, even from the distance Jinwoo could see it hadn't grown much. He hadn't really expected it to when he had slid it to him over breakfast after Sanha had already been dropped off without much fuss. As both Sanha and Jinwoo had become accustomed to half days now. Though Jinwoo still didn't like them. 

“Where do you want to start shopping?” Jinwoo asked taking the list and scanning it over. He already knew what he was buying for several people on his list at least. But Myungjun could say something unexpected. He often did. Often times those were the moments he cherished most, with their unexpected humor and results. "I was thinking we could get the shopping for Sanha out of the way first." He added his heart skipping a beat at the smile his boyfriend was beaming at him, full of mischievous intent. If they weren't actually pressed for time he could think of many other situations he'd like to see that smile in.

"I was thinking we could start with toys for us." Jinwoo almost choked on the sip of coffee he had just taken, much to Myungjun's noticeable amusement. "Or we can start with Sanha so we can hide his gifts before we pick him up." Myungjun's new smile reminded Jinwoo of nothing more than the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland, the movie Sanha had insisted they watch last night. "I'll buy yours later if you don't mind." He winked and Jinwoo felt himself flush into coffee mug because he knew what that meant now. But he was looking forward to it more than he had been previously. 

"Sanha it is." Jinwoo mumbled into his coffee with a smile that lasted him all the way to the shopping mall. Simply because Myungjun had also offered to drive, and while Jinwoo was cautious after Eunkyung's accident he trusted his boyfriend. And it was kind of nice being able to watch his side profile as they passed through traffic. But all too soon they'd arrived and Jinwoo had to draw his eyes away and focus on the task at hand. A tall order, Myungjun wasn't the same when he entered a toy store anymore than Sanha was. Instead his boyfriend filled with the same wonder his two year old had, which was as endearing as it was exhausting. 

This time though Myungjun, while full of excitement and happiness, seemed more subdued. And for a moment Jinwoo wondered if it was because Sanha wasn't with them or the fact this was a date. He didn't care either way when Myungjun took his hand and walked them straight to the toys for Sanha's age group. In that moment Jinwoo felt his heart skip, their hands more than brushing as they stood before the display. They weren't quite holding hands anymore but Jinwoo didn't mind as they scanned over the selection. Discussing which toys were best and like this Jinwoo could see Myungjun as a teacher, as he wanted to be.

In the end they spent an hour in the toy store compared to the normal two. For which Jinwoo was grateful and said so repeatedly, when he cornered Myungjun at the car. Hiding their faces behind the large stuffed duck he'd bought long enough to kiss his boyfriend senseless then shove him towards the driver's side. He wasn't sure what had overcome him to do so, but the giggle and Myungjun's blush made it worth it as he stuffed the duck in the trunk. Then they were off to the next store and the next person on the list. That now had two names crossed off. Myungjun and Sanha.

Despite the saved time at the toy store Jinwoo was dismayed that they were running late to get Sanha. Not that the daycare would mind, but he did. Though he supposed it was his fault since he was the one that kept waylaying Myungjun with kisses and the occasional grope. To the point that even though they'd finished shopping hours early, when they reached the apartment he'd led them to the master bedroom. Which had them running late after they finally shoved all the gifts into the hiding closet by his studio. It was an hour later than he'd expected to be there that they pulled into daycare parking lot. 

Jinwoo felt a little odd coming in with Myungjun, even though he'd done so a few times before. Usually he left with him more often on half days, enough so he knew he shouldn't feel self conscious. But he equated it to the odd look that Song was giving them as she entered the hall to greet them. Jinwoo smiled when Myungjun broke off to talk to her as he headed to Sanha's room, where Ida was working today. When he opened the door to see Ida flipping through a book in a rocking chair he smiled wider. The children were in front of her reading before naptime, they'd missed lunch. 

It was then, counting the heads of the children before Ida's wide, wide eyes met his that he knew something was wrong. He felt Myungjun's hand on his shoulder the moment it registered. Sanha wasn't there. And the happy events of before slipped through his fingers, the feel of Myungjun's hand on his shoulder was the only thing keeping him grounded as he growled. "Where is my son?" Behind him he could hear Song's voice and Ida was fidgeting in the chair, consoling the children before she rose. Her voice as sweet as honey as she asked Myungjun if could watch the kids while she talked to Jinwoo.

"Ida, Jinwoo asked you where our son is." Was all Myungjun replied, his voice colder than Jinwoo had ever heard. And while the words registered Jinwoo couldn't think about them now. Sanha was missing and Ida knew who had taken him. He had a sinking feeling he knew who had taken him. But he couldn't find the words as Myungjun took over. "Song if you'd please put the kids down for nap, we need to talk to Ida." Both the women listened to him, snapping into action. And before Jinwoo knew it they were in the little snack room, nestled at the adult table with Ida pushing papers their way. 

Jinwoo's heart sank when he saw the papers, when he recognized them. "Where is Sanha?" He asked instead of reaching for them. He knew what they were, he knew what they said. And they weren't the whole answer to his question. Beside him Myungjun was practically glued to his side and he was grateful, or he might have leaped over the table when Ida didn't answer right away. He didn't have the patience to wait. "Where did Dongmin take my son?" His voice was low and menacing and Jinwoo knew the only thing keeping him from growling was his boyfriend's hand in his.

"I don't know." Ida finally answered her eyes glancing up only once, her voice wavering in a way that said she knew she fucked up. "He came in and Sanha jumped at him screaming, mommy over and over. He assured me you knew he was coming and handed me these papers. They're official visitation rights so I didn't think.." Ida's voice trailed off and she looked like she wanted to cry. Jinwoo felt the same way. Because the documents were official, they were required by the judge because of the special circumstances of their divorce. But he'd never thought Dongmin would use them. 

"I never approved for Dongmin to pick him up. The only people that have approval are Jimin and Myungjun." Jinwoo knew his voice was barely above a growl but he felt helpless. It was a kidnapping, but all so perfectly legal in the technical sense. If he'd given permission, he hadn't. "I want to talk to your boss." Ida only nodded and got up to leave the room, he let her before turning to Myungjun and burying his head in his shoulder. He could feel the hot tears starting down his cheeks. "Myungjun he took my baby, our baby Sanha." He wasn't sure how long he cried as Myungjun made comforting noises and held him. 

Long enough for the boss and a police officer to arrive. But to Jinwoo it was all a blur. Questions and answers, legality and assurances. The only thing holding him together was Myungjun, answering what he could and guessing what he couldn't. Inside Jinwoo prayed that Dongmin hadn't changed his mind, that this was because he wanted to see Sanha not try to claim him. There wasn't much he could do, that the police could do besides look for him. Before she'd been walked out Ida recalled that Dongmin had said he was taking Sanha to lunch. He didn't thank her, but he and Myungjun decided to wait at the daycare in case. There was nothing left to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....is this what you thought would happen?
> 
> Please point out glaring errors. I'm back to typing on my phone.


	15. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongmin returns with Sanha and Jinwoo gives him more than just a little piece of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first I'll admit I've never written a screaming match before, but here we are. That said this chapter is the sole reason I actually sat down to write this fic. And there isn't much after it.

It's always been said that no news is good news, but to Jinwoo waiting was just torture. And no amount of hearing the saying was going to make him feel better. But instead of saying so he nodded tightly and waited for the director to leave him and Myungjun alone again. It wasn't like he didn't understand where the saying came from or how it was relevant. He just didn't care, all he truly cared about was Sanha being safe and returned to him. Though he didn't believe that Dongmin would hurt their son, he couldn't be sure he'd see him again. Dongmin was rich after all and taking Sanha out of the country wasn't as impossible as Jinwoo would wish. 

“Here.” Jinwoo had to actively stop himself from jumping when Myungjun set food down before him. He’d left the room a few minutes ago after one of their more serious discussions to get it. “The director ordered this for us.” There was a soft smile on his boyfriend’s face that told Jinwoo that he at least was appreciative of the food, Jinwoo himself couldn’t quite stomach the idea of eating. Not with the way his stomach was, and had been turning with worry. He did at least mumble a thank you as Myungjun set the food out, his eyes barely leaving the front entrance of the daycare.

It was clearly visible from where they were still situated in the snack room, they’d been there for a little over two hours. Waiting. In those hours he and Myungjun had talked quite a lot about their relationship, about what Myungjun had said to Ida. And he’d also called Jimin, having her come keep an eye on his apartment, just in case. Though he hadn’t told Dongmin where he was living, where he’d moved to, or anything.

There hadn’t been a reason to, and the judge hadn’t required him to either. Unlike the issue with the visitation rights that the judge had refused to revoke, that had allowed him to land in this mess to begin with. Well, not entirely there was also Ida but she wasn’t the one that Jinwoo would have to take to court. He could of course take the daycare to court over this, saying that Ida losing her job wasn’t enough. And if worse came to worst he would. 

“Jinwoo,” Myungjun’s voice was soft and it was the only thing that could draw Jinwoo’s attention from the door, to look at him properly. “You should eat something. Sanha will come back to us.” The words were said with the same conviction they’d been repeated in for the hours they’d been there. And even though he couldn’t quite show it Jinwoo appreciated the effort, and the soup that Myungjun forced him to eat by feeding it to him. His smile watery and strained but still trying to hold on. It was while this was happening that Jinwoo saw Dongmin from the corner of his eye, through the glass door and children’s art. 

Time seemed to freeze as he stared, his ex-wife had become a man and while he’d known, seen everywhere, this was the first time he’d seen him in person. But that wasn’t where Jinwoo’s eyes narrowed down to. It was Sanha, who looked so much like his mother who was carrying him through the door. Myungjun must have noticed too because when time started again they were both practically running out of the snack room and into the hall. The director was the one to greet Dongmin, her face stiff and unfriendly in a way that Jinwoo would have expected from a mother bear. He doubted it had anything on the anger he felt coiling up in the pit of his stomach, anger that had been festering for hours. Alongside the worry. 

Still, he kept his face neutral as Sanha was lowered to the floor, Dongmin’s eyes never leaving Jinwoo’s face. A look of guilt crossing them that Jinwoo only drug his own eyes away from to scan over his baby. Scooping him up in his arms as he came running screaming ‘Dad look Mommy came back. Daddy look that’s my Mommy.’ A once over revealed a few food stains on his otherwise clean clothing and nothing else out of place. And for a second time seemed to still as Jinwoo felt whole. But it didn’t last, the moment tilting on its axis as he handed Sanha to Myungjun. “Sanha, Daddy is going to take you home. Dad has to talk to Mommy ok?”

Sanha of course looked between all the adults as Jinwoo expected he would. After all he’d never actually referred to Myungjun as Daddy before, but that was going to change. During the hours they’d talked about it, well Myungjun had given his input and Jinwoo had cried not just over his, their missing son. But over the fact that Myungjun was serious, and truly wanted Sanha to be his, to be theirs. To be a family, for better or worse. That was a discussion for later though and he kissed Sanha’s forehead and Myungjun’s cheek before watching them walk out towards Jinwoo’s car. Dongmin hadn’t moved more than to let them pass. A quick goodbye passing between him and Sanha.

“We need to talk.” Jinwoo knew the words weren’t necessary, it was obvious by the state of affairs that they’d need to talk. “There’s a cafe with a private room just up the street. We’ll talk there.” He had already decided on this plan of action if Dongmin were to return with Sanha, and he motioned to the director. She nodded briefly before disappearing to inform the police that Sanha had been returned, and after seeing it Jinwoo briskly moved towards the door. He didn’t need to ask if Dongmin would follow him or would talk with him. There was no question, after all he’d just kidnapped their son and if Jinwoo really wanted to he could press charges over it. 

The cafe was small with fewer than twenty tables including the two in the private room. But it smelled of cakes and coffees when Jinwoo opened the door, Dongmin’s footfalls right behind him as he made his way to the counter to order something overly sweet. He’d been in a few times with Myungjun and Sanha just to eat some of the cakes they sold or a very light pre meal snack. And while usually he appreciated the aesthetics and the atmosphere today he noticed none of it. Instead forcing himself to keep his face calm as he ordered and asked for the private room. Luckily it wasn’t in use. 

“Let me pay.” Dongmin’s voice startled him as Jinwoo dug out his wallet, the private room charged a large fee and if it weren’t for the circumstances he might have agreed. Instead he testily stood his ground and paid for himself and the room. Memories surfacing of a few of their couple fights over who should pay. Back before Jinwoo was in demand as a dance instructor but Eunkyung had been modeling. Not all that long ago the memory might have hurt with Dongmin there, right behind him. Not Eunkyung, not his wife. But now in light of everything with Myungjun and Sanha it only stung as a memory should. But he pushed it aside picking up his drink and making his way to the private room not waiting for Dongmin to order. 

Dongmin knew he shouldn’t be surprised by Jinwoo’s attitude, his anger. Though it had been quite a while since he’d been on the receiving end of it. Truly he’d been hoping to avoid it, to pick Sanha up and whisk him away for a long meal and return him before Jinwoo came to get him. So he could be waiting there, as if he were waiting for Jinwoo to talk and had spent time with Sanha at the daycare. He’d even taken the extra effort to plan it all out, including having detective Jung look into Jinwoo’s boyfriend. That had been the biggest surprise for him in discovering Jinwoo’s new life. The biggest change from the Jinwoo he knew to the Jinwoo sitting angrily across from him at cafe table as he entered the private room.

There were many things he could recall about his ex-husband now that almost all of his memories hard returned. His gentle nature down to his coffee order, a tale tell sign of his mood was the sweetness level of what he ordered. And Dongmin knew, having been behind him when Jinwoo ordered that there would be no leniency of his ex-husband’s gentle nature for him today. The air was tense when he sat down, sitting his own drink order in front of him. He almost wished it was a shield from the heated look in Jinwoo’s eyes. He had other memories, much different memories of those eyes filled with the same level of intensity. He ignored them starting where he knew he needed to start. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Jinwoo’s voice was almost a growl and Dongmin realized with that one word how out of his depth he truly was. How rare it had been for him to experience Jinwoo’s anger while they’d been together. But it wasn’t just anger there, he could see the hurt, feel it radiating off of him as he went on. “You’re sorry for taking my son out of daycare? Or you’re sorry that you got caught? I know how you are Dongmin, how you were. You’d do things just to see how far you could take it. This isn’t a game. You gave him up already.” The words were pointed, planned, and they landed just the way that Dongmin knew Jinwoo wanted them to. He had to take a drink of his coffee to find his own bearings. 

“Both.” He went for honesty, because it was true. He had done exactly that in their divorce, pretending that he’d not regained memories that he had. In order to get his own way. Moonbin knew, had always known he was like that. It was how all models had to be to a point or they’d never get anywhere in that world. And Dongmin wasn’t on top for no reason. Still, it stung to have Jinwoo, the one who’d supported him and loved him be so cold to him. He hadn’t thought it could hurt after having forgotten for so long, “I wanted to see him Jinwoo, I remembered and I wanted to see him.” He could feel real tears pricking at his eyes, because it was true. More true than his apology.

“You gave him up Dongmin. You gave up being Enkyung and his mother when we got divorced. You don’t get to just come back here and see him.” Jinwoo wanted to scream, the tears were probably real as Eunkyung couldn’t fake cry to save her life. But he didn’t care, he couldn’t care knowing how worried he’d been. How his heart had dropped finding his son missing. If it weren’t for the fact he knew Myungjun would take care of him, and that he trusted him, Sanha wouldn’t have left his side for anything. 

Dongmin nodded to the paperwork in a folder by Jinwoo’s hand, the papers he’d given the daycare. “That’s not how the court saw it.” It was a low blow and he knew it but Dongmin still said it his heart heavy with the decision he’d made that he regretted. “I just wanted to see him Jinwoo, I forgot what it was like to love him. To want a child, and I remembered and I couldn't stay away.” More honesty, words he’d cried to Moonbin before confessing to him how much he missed Sanha. “I missed him.” He could hear his voice break but he could also see the wall that Jinwoo was putting up to his words. He knew he deserved it. 

“You could have tried to reach me first then. How did you find us anyway?” Jinwoo commended himself for his control, so far he’d yet to raise his voice or truly lose his temper. Though it was tempting and the way he was squeezing the plastic coffee cup he’d been given he was afraid it would break. He wondered if that would be a reflection of his hurt for his son who still loved his mother, or for him who had an image of his ex that they weren’t living up to. Because he could see Dongmin’s pain. And he knew, could understand about the lost memories. He’d had to walk Eunkyung through so many things about their life together right after the accident. After she’d lost so much of herself to memory loss, temporary or not. 

Dongmin sighed, he knew this question was coming but he wanted to soften the blow. He also wanted to know about Jinwoo’s new life, about the person he was allowing into it. Even though the detective had found out some about Myungjun it wouldn’t be the same as whatever Jinwoo told him about him. “I hired a detective.” A simple statement, but really it said more than he wanted to. The words had been guilt ridden and it wasn’t just for the fact he’d spied on his ex-husband that he felt guilty. Truly he felt guilty for a lot of things, today only one misstep among many. “I didn’t expect you to have a boyfriend. I didn’t realize you were bi.”

Jinwoo bit his lip, his hand clenching around the cup before he forced himself to relax it. He wanted to scream. “That’s because I never told you.” He watched the now handsome face before him morph into surprise, into guilt. He felt his own guilt crawl up his throat at what he’d missed as well. “You never told me you felt trapped either.” He went on and the bitterness in his own voice no longer surprised him. It was anger he’d been carrying for a long time now. Built up over the repeated treatment he’d gotten from their mutual ‘friends’. “But don’t change the subject. You hired a detective to find me bUT YOU COULDN’T GET MY PHONE NUMBER TO CALL ME?” He found his voice raising despite his best efforts. Tears on his cheeks. 

“YOU HAVE THE GULL TO SIT THERE AND ASK IF I’M BI WHEN YOU KIDNAPPED MY SON?” He hoped his voice wasn’t carrying but Jinwoo couldn’t stop as he let himself free of his restraint. Watching Dongmin shrink back from his righteous anger. “YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO SAY SORRY AND THINK THAT’S ENOUGH AFTER EVERYTHING? AFTER YOU PUT ME THROUGH THAT DIVORCE AND CHANGED YOUR GENDER AND JUST LEFT ME? Like I was nothing, like he was nothing.” The last words were finally quieter and Jinwoo wasn’t sure if it was because he felt drained or because he also felt guilty. For having trapped his wife in a situation she hadn’t wanted to be in.

“I…” Dongmin swallowed and felt more tears in his eyes, but he refused to cry them. He knew he was in the wrong. Had probably been in the wrong more than he wanted to admit to. He could have told Jinwoo how he was feeling in their marriage, he could have tried to fix things before it was too late, he could have told him about wanting to change his gender. Instead he’d jumped on the first easy out he could find. The one that at the time seemed less burdensome for the both of them, it was only now he was realizing it was only less burdensome for him. “I didn’t….”

“No, you didn’t.” Jinwoo sighed closing his eyes and forcing himself to calm down. He didn’t really want everyone to know about the argument they were having. About his personal life. That was why he’d moved here after all. “I never told you I was bi, because there had only been you, Eunkyung.” He stood up leaving the paperwork where it was. He had copies coming to him already from his lawyer, who Jimin had contacted. There would be a court day coming up over this. And he hoped a talk between them without the emotional drainage he was feeling now. Seeing, truly seeing how little that his ex-wife had truly thought of his feelings. How trapped she had made herself by settling with him. 

“I’ll see you in court. My lawyer will get in touch with your lawyer.” Jinwoo forced himself to remain calm, no tears as he walked away. There wasn’t anything else to say if Dongmin thought an apology was going to fix the mess he’d created he was wrong. And Jinwoo would make sure he earned the right to visitation, if he was willing to be that much of the bigger person. It was a discussion for later, a talk for later. He didn’t look back as he left and Dongmin didn’t try to stop him. To his surprise Myungjun wasn’t gone, he was in the parking lot waiting. With Sanha in his lap in the passenger's side. He couldn’t smile but he felt a tightness in his chest fall away. Myungjun smiled for him as he handed him Sanha and they got ready to go home. 

There was still guilt weighing on him and what could have beens he couldn’t voice as he looked out the window. Letting Myungjun drive so he could sit in the back with his son, who had passed out not even three minutes into the ride. Looking at Dongmin’s face earlier he’d seen the sincerity of his regret, and he knew the way Eunkyung had felt trapped. He’d only noticed it after the fact, of course, the way she hadn’t wanted to have a kid or settle down. But she’d done so because that was what Jinwoo wanted, a family and a family home. He wondered if that was why she’d been going so fast to get to her first photo shoot after having Sanha, because she wanted to get away.

Still, even with hindsight being twenty-twenty he knew he wasn’t the only one at fault for not noticing. Eunkyung could have spoken up, he would have worked with her to make them both happy. To make it work, even the gender change was something he could have lived with. There was a pang in his chest anew at the thought that he’d ever thought that life was perfect, that it had been everything he wanted. He knew better now. Knew that in losing her he’d found someone that truly made him happy and wanted the same things he wanted. He couldn’t help letting himself indulge in a contented smile seeing Myungjun’s face in the rearview mirror checking on them. He had what he needed, what he wanted now. Sanha and Myungjun, his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I suck at this kind of writing you can be honest. I'm not usually one to get into screaming matches myself.


	16. Dongmin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongmin's side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest I don't really like Dongmin in this fic. That said I still shared his side. And he's not a bad guy, just human like the rest of us.
> 
> If there's mistakes just scream at me. I'm rather absent minded lately.

Dongmin sighed into the coffee he'd barely touched. Jinwoo had walked away at least ten minutes ago, but he'd yet to reach for the papers across from him. Things hadn't gone to plan. Well the projected plan, but he'd thought about the possibility of things going awry. What he hadn't predicted was Jinwoo. Of course he knew his ex husband would be angry, furious if he was caught and had every right to be. What he'd done was underhanded and probably Jinwoo's worst fear. That he'd show up to take Sanha and disappear. 

Of course he'd never do that, but he couldn't exactly blame Jinwoo for thinking it. Still, the yelling had been unexpected. The hurt, the tears that clung to Jinwoo's eyes as he spoke, as he confessed there had only been Eunkyung. And all that that statement entailed. Dongmin could feel the guilt gnawing at his heart thinking on those words, on his own actions. There was a lot he'd done wrong in his relationship with Jinwoo, and the wrongs had started before he got into his accident. Truthfully, Dongmin had thought of leaving even before he'd gotten into the accident.

Still, that wasn't the only guilt that statement had brought him. Not the only wrong he'd committed in their relationship, not by a long shot. Because even when Dongmin knew, because he'd been told and truly remembered being married to Jinwoo, he'd still started dating Moonbin. And he'd made decisions for his relationship with Jinwoo without ever talking to Jinwoo. And while he didn't regret them, after all becoming Dongmin and killing off Eunkyung had been his best decision, he knew he hurt Jinwoo. Both by not talking to him and by making him look like the bad guy to their mutual friends. 

Dongmin sighed again, finally taking the papers and glancing at them. He knew what they said, almost by heart. He'd gone over them so many times with Moonbin to minimize any conflicts they might have if things went wrong today. But he'd refused to ask permission, for he knew no matter what Jinwoo said sometimes it proved better to beg forgiveness than permission. And that statement held most true with his ex husband. Who he knew without doubt would have denied him access to Sanha. And there were many reasons Dongmin would do the same in Jinwoo's position. 

He jumped when his phone rang, Moonbin was calling him. Despite the situation and how awful Dongmin felt seeing his boyfriend's name on the screen made him happy. Made him feel whole again. In almost the same way that spending time with Sanha had. "Why are you crying?" Moonbin's question only made the tears fall harder as Dongmin realized the mistakes he'd made, and while not entirely to blame he couldn't help feeling it in the moment. "Where are you?" Moonbin's voice was more worried now and Dongmin felt himself smile wider, happier to have him. 

"I'm at a cafe. Things didn't go to plan. Jinwoo caught me returning Sanha. He yelled at me, and really," He paused in disbelief of what he was about to say. About how he truly felt in the moment. "I think it's better this way. I was tired of avoiding him because I didn't want to hurt him more. I realized we're both hurt and I didn't try to find them before because I knew, I knew he'd yell at me and I wasn't ready... I wasn't ready to admit that I'm wrong." He felt his tears increase, straining his cheeks as he bent over his coffee. "I was wrong."

"Whoa." Moonbin's voice was serious, but on the edge of playful as he answered. "I never thought I'd hear you say that." A small chuckle sounded and Dongmin was surprised to realize it was his own. He still felt horrible, responsible, and guilty but he felt hearing Moonbin joke that things had turned out like they should. "But what cafe? I can come get you. You didn't drive did you?" Dongmin could hear the worry in his boyfriend's voice, knowing that when he was emotional Dongmin was prone to reckless driving. 

"I'm at the cafe near the daycare. I did drive there, so grab a taxi I'll pay." He paused, looking down at the documents in his hands his thoughts running on to what was next. "And call our lawyer. This time I want to do things right." He sighed mentally to himself thinking about what right might be, and wondering how Jinwoo might see right. As the Jinwoo he'd seen today wasn't the Jinwoo he'd known in the same way Dongmin wasn't Eunkyung. Still, he didn't want to give up his son. Not again, never again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's like 2-3 chapters left now

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> Also I took creative use of the tag character death, like always. But it's important in many ways.


End file.
